[spots the Loud pets sleeping in the sofa through the living room window after failing to open it; knocks to get their attention] Psst! Open up and let me in! [smiles while giving them a thumbs-up; the pets wake up, see him, and yawn before Walt turns off the lights and go back to sleep; gasps] Is this about the party not being at the big fountain downtown? It was a joke! Can't you take a joke? [the pets blow raspberries at him in jealousy and resume sleeping; now annoyed] Fine. Don't need you guys anyway. I'll find my own way in. You'll see! Sergio is unstoppable! [goes to the backyard and tries to ram his way through the doggy door, but it turns out to be sealed on the other side with wooden planks] I'm gonna have to use my brain and not my brawn. [flies up to the window of Lori and Leni's bedroom and knocks to get Leni's attention] Leni, you're dreaming. I'm Dream Sergio. Open the window. [Leni shrugs, gets out of bed, but walks to the closet instead and opens it, and collapses on the floor resuming to sleep; gets an idea and goes on top of the roof] Down the chimney like old St. Nick. [dives into the chimney and struggles to squeeze his body in, then crashes from the fireplace and into the living room, covered in soot; to the Loud pets as they glare at him in irritation] Ah! Told you I was unstoppable! [spins to get the soot off him and coughs; the Loud pets storm off into the kitchen, all fed up with his selfishness; groans] I get it. You're still mad about the party. [follows them as Cliff removes the planks from the blocked doggy door, for when they've been deceived] Let's talk about it like grown animals. [the pets exit through the doggy door, still ignoring him and not wanting to be bothered by the likes of him; groans again, grumpily] Real mature, guys!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[flies into the garage, and kicks out some pigeons who're playing a drumset] Shoo! Shoo, you annoying creatures!
[enters the garage; groggy] Sergio? What are you and all these pigeons doing in the garage?
[nervously] I… uh… I'm Dream Sergio. You're just dreaming of all these birds.
Oh, okay. That makes sense. [Sergio sends him back to bed] Good night, Dream Sergio.
[worried] I'm doomed! The Louds are gonna wake up, see this mess, and rat me out to Rosa! I'm going to bird boot camp for sure! [sees the Loud pets laughing at his misfortune and approaches them] Just the pets I wanted to see! Can you help me get rid of these pigeons? You're kind of my last hope. [the pets scoff in denial and go into Charles' doghouse, still jealous of his selfishness] I deserve that. [forcefully apologizes] Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't very nice to you (since I showed up) today. [the pets peek their heads out, cautiously] I should have been cool with what you wanted to do. [the pets gesture him to keep going] And I shouldn't have lied about the party. [another gesture] And I shouldn't have been so insulting. [one more gesture] And I'm sorry for being a big-beaked jerk. [sadly turns away, accepting the error of his ways; the pets look at each other and decided to forgive him by offering him a hug; touched] Oh, thank goodness. [joins the hug] Boy, you really made me work for it. [breaks out of the hug] Okay, so how are we gonna get rid of these featherbrains?
[After Sergio and the Loud pets have reconciled and work together to build an animatronic red-tailed hawk to get Sancho and the pigeons out of the Loud House without waking up the Louds…]
That was amazing! I had you guys all wrong. You're totally cool, not mention, very clever. Mind if I hang till the fam gets back? [The pets look at each other and nod in agreement; Next morning, they're all playing a game of Old Maid in Charles' doghouse] Ooh, a match!
Oh, Sergio! The Louds tell me you were the perfect houseguest.
What can I say? It's easy when you're hanging with friends.
Well, I'm very proud of you. Now, come on. It's time to go.
Aw, five more minutes? I'm about to win at Old Maid!
[off-screen] Rita, why is the basement covered in pigeon poop?!
[panicking as Rosa glares grumpily at him, realizing what he's really been up to] Gotta go! [flies off as Rosa storms off after him, while the Loud pets laugh and the iris closes in on them]
[heavily sleep-deprived; tired] Lily, are you tired, yet? It's going on 3:00 AM, sweetie.
Woo! Da-da!
[tired] It's okay, it's not your fault. It's your dad's. [sighs] That is the last time he gives you a chocolate-covered espresso bean for dessert. [imitating her husband] "Uh, I thought it was raisin."
[picks up the phone as it rings while having her cup of coffee] Officer Shirley, what is your emergency?
[frantically] I just saw a toddler--okay, no, wait, my toddler and I just saw a burglar running out of Jean Juan's. [while Officer Shirley starts writing notes] He was a small man or a medium-sized teen. We couldn't see the face. It's dark out, and I'm tired, so my vision is a little blurry.
Ma'am, could you slow down?
But he was definitely stealing food, the fromage con queso, or maybe the churro baguettes. Oh. Oh, that sounds so good right now. [dozes off, but her head hits the steering wheel and accidentally honks it, snapping her awake] Ah! [accidentally drops her phone] Oh, hang on. I dropped my phone. Oh, here it is! Are you still there?
What are you and your kid doing out at 4:00 AM?
Okay, well, my husband gave her an espresso bean, and now she's wide awake. [to Lily as she tries to break free of the seat belt while gnawing on it at the moment] Sweetie, do you have to pee?
[Lily shakes her head no]
[thinking that Rita means her] No, I just went. Listen, hon, you're not the first tired mom to call in a little confused. Last night, we had a lady mistaking a possum for a werewolf. [chuckles] Why don't you go home and get some rest? [hangs up]
Ugh! Can you believe her? [tired] I am not just some tired... confused mom...
Rude!
You know what, Lily? I say we do some investigating of our own. We track down the thief, we get some evidence, and then we call that officer back and say, "Who's confused now?"
Yeah, yeah! This is exciting! We show her!
[stunned to see the thief is revealed to be…] Mrs. Bernardo?!
Well, normally, this is where you clap, but I'll accept stunned silence. [bows]
You're the thief?! Wait, what is going on?! Is this a dream?!
Apologies for scaring you. I'm just training for an audition to play a thief, a crook, a desperado of the night! When I saw you were following me, I decided to roll with it, as they say. [scoffs] Of course, I wasn't going to harm you.
You did all of this to prepare for an audition?! We submerged ourselves in cheese!
[claps] Bravo to that! What an excellent improv.
But what about all the-- [yawns] stuff you stole?
Oh, stinky child. I'm going to put everything back. Thespian's honor. I have done this many times.
Well, this has been one crazy evening, but I suppose I'm partly to blame. I never should have dragged my child along while trying to play detective. Lily, sweetie, I owe you an apology-- [sees Lily now sleeping on one of the benches] Wow. [picks her up] Look at that. I guess chasing you around all night finally put her to sleep.
[enters the Action News Team's newsroom; disappointed] Hey, y'all. [walks over the desk where Lincoln and Clyde are sitting] I'm sorry that yesterday's segment weren't all that and a bunch of oats.
It's okay, dawg. We can't all have this kind of charisma. Uhh, another dizzy spell. [twirls around and faints]
Are you all right, Mee-Maw?
[shivering, still shaken up by the experience] What the heck happened?
Ugh, I was tryin' to shoot another segment for the show, but things got a little outta control.
[angrily] Well, I was almost a goner there, and you'll be doin' extra chores for two years! [Liam looks down in shame; then smiles at him] But I guess you got yourself one heck of a segment.
[wearing a wrestling outfit with spikes everywhere; weakly] Too spiky. [now wearing a fairy costume] Not gonna happen. [now dressed as a clown] No way. [now wearing Lincoln's own clothes] Who wears this here? [gets back in her own usual clothes] Look, folks, this isn't working. None of those feel, I don't know, authentic.
Hmm. Maybe we need to dig a little deeper. Like, my fave wrestler, Pixie Cuts, used to be an actual hairstylist. Her favorite character feels supes authentic.
Yeah. What's Lynn Loud really passionate about?
[Royal Woods Middle School; Lynn is driving around the hallways in her golf cart and all of the students shoot spitballs at her, causing her to lose control and crash into the lockers]
[as Meryl approaches her; weakly] Little help here, Meryl?
[disgusted] For the Brawl Monitor? No way! [shoots more spitballs at her and leaves]
Wow. Even Meryl hates me?
[Reininger's department store in the Royal Woods Mall; Fiona and Miguel are preparing unmotivated for the morning run when Leni enters]
[cheerfully holding a pink box of muffins; off-screen] Morning, fam!
[over intercom] Attention, everyone! It's manager extraordinaire and fashion icon, Leni Loud! She dazzles in a chique-!
[cutting him off] Like I said yesterday, it's too early for this, Miguel.
Look what I brought! [opens the box, revealing four decorated muffins] Ta-da!
Ooooh!
They're Fuffins. [Fiona and Miguel both react confusingly] Like, muffins, but fun.
Ooooh!
[hands each of her friends a muffin; walks over to Tanya with a happy gasp] Hi, Tanya! [hands her a muffin] I can't wait to hear about your date with Bradley from the sports department! [cut to Bradley, another mannequin dressed in tennis gear; gasps] Ooooh! It was a tennis date? LOVE that for you!
[eating her muffin; delighted] Leni, you are the best!
[walks in] Couldn't have said it better myself, Fiona! [takes Miguel's muffin and takes a bite] I just love my Reninger's family. [chuckles, then more serious] Sometimes more than my own. [eats the rest of Miguel's muffin after a pause] Alright, team! Time for pre-opening announcements. First things first, I want to freshen up the store, so, get ready for some big changes around here.
[gasps] Are we finally addressing the employee breakroom smell? I have some theories. [takes out his notepad and flicks through]
[bluntly] No.
[closes his notepad and takes out a recorder; suspicious] Suspect #2 suspiciously changes the subject. Will monitor.
I want to start with the mannequins. The store's current stock are… [takes hold of a nearby mannequin's arm, which breaks off, its head immediately falls to the ground, as a swarm of spiders scuttle out; the rest of the mannequin collapses] Well, that just about says it all. I think it's time we retire them.
[Miguel and Fiona gasp and groan in apprehension; then cut to Leni, who doesn't understand]
[squeals in delight; excitedly] Tanya is going to LOVE retirement!! [hugs Tanya cheerfully] She TOTES deserves it! Oh, I hope she goes to Florida! I can visit her on my spring break!
Leni, I think Ms. Carmichael meant that she is getting rid of the old mannequins, including Tanya.
[gasps in horror and clutches her mannequin friend] You can't just get rid of her! Sure, she's a little quiet and sometimes her limbs fall off. [Tanya's head dislodges, readjusts it] But she's my friend!
Sorry, Leni. I know you've formed an attachment, but it's just a mannequin. [her phone rings] Well, the movers are here to take away the old mannequins right now. [walks away]
I'm sorry, Leni. [walks over to her for comfort] Hey, maybe you'll meet a new Tanya.
I don't want a new Tanya! I have a Tanya! We have to save her! It's like, Miguel, imagine if Ms. C. wanted to throw away your favorite Italian leather belt.
[gasps in horror] Beltissimo!? Over my dead-but-still-very-moisturized body! Okay, I am in! [holds out his hand]
[rolls her eyes, lightly] Eh, why not? [adds her hand]
Save Tanya!
[As Leni, Fiona, and Miguel hide in the recycling room…]
[takes her phone out of her pocket as it rings and gasps to see who's calling] It's Ms. Carmichael! I'll just call her back later!
[takes his phone out of his pocket, shocked to see that Ms. Carmichael is also trying to call him] Sorry, Ms. C! Turn off phone. [turns off his phone] Watch out, Leni. She's probably gonna--
[answers her phone] Hello? Oh, hi, Ms. Carmichael! [gasps in horror] Ms. Carmichael?!
Leni, where are the three of you?! The post-lunch rush is about to start!
[sighs] M-Ms. C, I can explain. See, we left the store to rescue Tanya and bring her back.
[disbelieved] Rescue Tanya? Tanya the mannequin? Wha… Listen, if the three of you are not back at this store ASAP, you will all be fired!
[firmly] Don't be mad at Miguel and Fiona, this was all my idea. But you said it yourself: we're a family at Reininger's. And nowhere does it say that mannequins are excluded. Tanya's like the sister I never had.
Uh, Leni? You have nine sisters.
[annoyed] You know what I mean. [to Ms. Carmichael] Fire me if you have to, but I have to save my friend. [hangs up and sadly groans] You guys need to go back. You can't lose your jobs because of me.
[hugs Leni] As if!
[joins them] Yeah! No mannequin left behind!
[The Morticians are all helping Hank with his groundskeeping duties at the cemetery]
[trimming a grim reaper-shaped hedge] Thanks for your help with all my groundskeeping duties, kids! Now, don't forget, make sure each and every resident gets some TLC.
[cleaning a gravestone as Haiku sets down a pair of orange chrysanthemums in front of one] Haiku, Caroline doesn't like mums. She's a lilac girl.
Thank you, Lucy. [switches the orange mums for lilac flowers] I almost made a grave mistake. [she and Lucy both laugh monotonously]
[driving around on a tractor mower] Hang on, Virgil! I'm gonna pop the wheelie! [speed pasts Morpheus]
[annoyed] Stop hogging the mower, Dante! Gah, worst sharer ever! [groans after Dante drives past him again, blowing grass blades at him]
[playing his keyboard] Boris is jamming on the keys. Any requests from the dead? [suddenly trips on a headstone and ends up getting four keys in his mouth like teeth]
Are you okay, Boris?
[gets up on his own feet and spits out the keys] Boris may just live, sadly. [glances down at the mysterious "unknown" headstone] Oh, I've never noticed that headstone before.
Hmm, neither have I. Hank, who's "Unknown"?
You got me. I know every inch of this graveyard and I don't remember that grave being here.
[gulps nervously, knowing he was the one who placed it there before] Well, people do kick the bucket all the time, so...
How tragic that someone must pass and remain nameless for eternity.
As the Morticians Club, it's our duty to right such ghastly wrongs. I say we hold a séance to find out who rests here, then replace this headstone with one with their name.
[nervously rushes in front of the headstone] No! I don't think we must disturb their own eternal slumber. You know how hard it is to go back to sleep before somebody wakes you up.
A valid point, Dante.
[Dante smiles and sighs in relief]
Boris can play him some nice, soothing bedtime music. [plays a daunting tune on his keyboard, making Dante facepalm and groan in despair]
Great idea, Boris. All of those in a worse favor? [the other members, except Dante, raise their hands and agree] Let the record show that the motion passes with much enthusiasm.
The spirit is within Dante! Please, tell us your name so we may try to honor you with a new gravestone.
[feigning a ghostly spirit] My name is… [blinks and notices an urn on a statue nearby] Urn-- [then notices a goblin statue's knee] Knee-- [then notices a shovel Hank is using to dig up dirt over a another grave] Shovel-- [then finally notices the cemetery's gate] Gate. Ernie Shovelgate. It's nice of you kids to want to get me a new headstone. But, don't go to all that trouble. I'm really shy, so "Unknown" totally works for me. Okay, well, I got to get back to the other side. [shakes himself and pretends to pass out as the smoke clears; then sits up, acting normal] Wow, I guess Ernie doesn't want a new headstone. Bummer, but what can you do? [realizes] That's a rhetorical question.
You know, whenever it's my favorite mother's birthday, she says "Don't go to all of that trouble", which means, "You'd better go to all that trouble."
That's a good point, Haiku. What if Ernie's just being modest? I say we buy him the headstone anyway. After he sees it, I'll bet he rolls over in his grave...in a happy way.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.