LMs. LaBonz
So you were gonna climb up that hose by yourself?
Oh, um, yup.
CBCoach Blevins
Really? I teach you in gym.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Well, I won, as predicted. I shutted your butts. Should we go back and see how much grease you have to clean?
You shut your butt.
You shut your butt!
No, you shut YOUR butt!
My butt is shut.
[happily] Mine's WIIIIIDE OPEN!
What's Around the Tree, by Louise Belcher.
I can't see
What's around the tree
When I'm pawing through the presents.
But when I sit back
And get my present unwrapped
I look up and I see my parents.
I see and smell my brother
That's clearly where the gas is.
And I see my sister
With something that looks like gingerbread on her glasses.
And we don't have gingerbread, so this is odd.
We made funny ornaments for the tree this year
And we make funny ornaments sitting here
Around the tree
So jolly
I didn’t expect to feel this way
I was focusing on Santa
But the best presents
Are sitting here
And they aren’t even wrapped up
Okay, where are we going?
[pause] Well [Stavros is] just coming for me, but then I figured that we would just come back and grab you guys at some point.
What kind of sociopath abandons her family in some vomit soaked dump, to gallivant around the world with her dumb shipping heir loser boyfriend she's known for three months?!
Um, David, it will be four months next month.
Oh my God!
And... he just told me that he could potentially see himself considering saying "I love you" at some point sometime soon, so...
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm telling mom. I'm telling mom and dad, have you told them?
No! No David, I'm waiting for the right opportunity, okay? Otherwise dad's gonna cry, and mom's gonna do that thing where she pretends that nothing's wrong and then just doesn't talk to me for five months, and I don't want that.
RRoland
So Johnny Rose wants the ol' Johnny Hancock, huh? Well shouldn't be a problem, Johnny. I'm happy to sign off on the listing.
Well, thank you, very much, Roland, appreciate it.
RRoland
Sure. Why don't you come over tonight and pick it up?
Uh, no-- Mr. Mayor, I-- No, Roland, a signature. That's all I need.
RRoland
Johnny look, here is what you're gonna do: you're gonna grab the kids, you're gonna grab Moira, you're gonna come over we're gonna sit down like civilized people, have a few laughs, and then at the end of the evening we'll get to the big signing, okay?
Right. Okay-- honestly Roland, it's just a-- it's just a signature. A flick of the wrist. That's it.
RRoland
You're not rejecting my hospitality, are you, Johnny? Because that really wouldn't be a good way to start things off, I don't think.
No! No. I'd love to come to dinner are you kidding me? No. I just thought, let's do business first, get the signature, and then dinner.
RRoland
Johnny, you want that. To get that you need this. So let's just do this my way.
Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah. Dinner it is.
RRoland
Dinner it is. Attaboy!
So Jocelyn, you were saying that you teach high school? Or you want to finish high school? I'm not sure, I couldn't hear over your husband's chewing.
RRoland
Oh, there it is! There it is! The Vivien Blake bitch face!
Excuse me?
RRoland
I didn't want to say anything, but you were my favourite character on "Sunrise Bay".
[flatly] Thanks.
It's true. He lived for "Sunrise Bay". I could be doing cartwheels in a thong in front of that television, which I have done, but if your show was on I was as good as wall paper.
RRoland
Hey, how many people did you slap on that show?
I don't care.
Alexis! [...] I need to speak with our daughter.
Good luck.
[loudly] Oh my God, where did you hear that?
(rapid footsteps)
What is it?
I don't get it, [the paperwork is] all done.
No, there's still a little bit that needs to be filled in.
All that's missing is my middle name.
Then fill it in, please.
Do I have to do that?
[scoffs] Why must you be so constantly irksome?
(pregnant pause)
Do you not know my middle name?
[incredulous] Of course I do! I blessed you with it!
Okay, so um... then what name should I put down then?
Alexis. Do as your mother says, please.
Do you know my middle name?
(pregnant pause)
If I said... Anna?
I can't believe this!
Alexis... Something Rose.
Um, why don't you guys stay at the cabin for longer?
Oh, I would never just abandon you two in a motel in the middle of nowhere.
Didn't you once take the wrong baby home from preschool?
Alexis looked Chinese as an infant! How many times must I defend myself?!
How did you open the door?
I threw a shoe. This wine is aw-ful! Get me another glass.
Well, I think maybe we've had enough wine, sweetheart.
I can't feel my tongue. But I know it's there, because I'm talking.
Moira, you should hear what they're saying about you out there. You are doing great!
No. No, John, I ruined it. I ruined everything.
No! No, you didn't!
I did!
No, sweetheart, I ruined everything. I ruined it.
You did? Why did you ruin everything?
Okay. Well, let's not focus on me right now.
In the lea of a picture-esque ridge lies a small, unpretentious winery. One that pampers its fruit like its own babies. Hi! I'm Moira Rose, and if you love fruit wine as much as I do, then you'll appreciate the craftsmanship and quality of a local vintner. Who brings the musk melon goodness to his oak Chardonnay, and the dazzling peach [slurring] cral...bapple to his Riesling Rioja. Come taste the difference good fruit can make in your wine. You'll remember the experience, and you'll remember the name: Herb Ervling...ger. Burt Herngeif. Irv Herm-blinger. Bing. Livehaanger. Liveling. Burt Herkurn. Burn... Bingo Ling-- fucker!
Bob... in case I wanna mention this in my remarks, how did Carl go?
BBob
Well, it was a bit of a freak accident, really. Apparently, he was trying to unhook his belt from the ceiling fan and... apparently it got knotted around his neck.
What?
BBob
Yeah, you know, you'd think the whole thing would've come down, you know? Try keeping a fan and a body spinning up there for two days. But uh... Carl found the studs on that one.
[horrified] Oh... yeah...
BBob
That's craftsmanship.
Don't worry, he's fine. It's not the first time David's run away. Remember all those troubled years in high school when he'd charter the jet without permission?
Yes, but he has no money.
Oh, he does now. If there's one thing David knows it's the street value of a woman's bag.
Okay, you know what, can we stop talking about that bag for five minutes? The bag, the bag, and the bag!
John, it's an heirloom, my great grandmother took it from her husband when she left him, and it has been passed down through all the women in my family, as emergency currency in case we need to leave our husbands in the middle of the night.
Well that's reassuring.
You don't have to worry darling, I'll never need it. But you know Alexis will!
Yeah, more than once, probably.
Oh my God, ever since David left you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen's yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!
I had just had my eyelashes dyed! Everything was cloudy!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.