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S1 E15

Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15

“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

74,544 quotes · page 1459 of 4970

“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15

In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)

We need to work together to better engage with North Korea, because the North Koreans are people like us... except without any food.

Those are your pajamas? That's the outfit I picture when I'm trying not to come.

I can elect anyone in New Hampshire. I can elect a Muslim AIDS virus. A terrorist fucking AIDS virus in the tiniest suicide vest ever made, I could make it Governor of New Hampshire.

All right, here we go, Alabama. First in the alphabet, last in every other fuckin' thing.

I believe it's number one in "easiest state to get away with murdering a black guy."

We're hanging on by a thread, but if everyone votes the way we think they're gonna vote, we'll win.

Yeah, that's the least reassuring sentence I've heard since "It's okay, it's just the tip."

Please God, deliver Jonah to Congress, and then give him any kind of cancer, I don't care.

Any chance Catherine and Marjorie want to get married? There you go, first White House lesbian wedding. That'll put you in the history books.

Oh God. I can't take that much acoustic guitar.

God, my phone is blowing up with these TV offers. Think I might need an agent. You know, someone who can take the Dan Egan brand to the next level.

Too bad Goebbels killed himself.

Oh, also, we got to get some eye candy in here. You know, hire some hot interns.

Oh, Uncle Jeff sent a bunch of resumes from New Hampshire. One of them was a phone number on a bar napkin.

No, New Hampshire is just a fancy word for "it's cold outside, so I don't shave my pubes."

Vice President, take it or leave it.

I wouldn't be your veep if there were a grassy knoll full of Jodie Foster fans in the front row at your inauguration.

That's a "leave it."

General George Washington could come out of his grave and I would rather eat his zombified, wooden asshole twice a day than be his Vice fucking, fucking anything.

You fuckers. How dare you. That magnificent woman was counting on you, and you losers let her down!

[into his phone] Yeah, I'm gonna have to call you back; something amazing is happening.

All you fucking cared about was your stupid bad selves! [to Kent] Your numbers? Your numbers are garbage! [to Mike, who is discreetly filming Gary's eruption on his phone] Your speeches? Garbage! [to Ben] Oh, and you're supposed to give her advice?! Is that right?! Because all I heard was dumb, stupid, I don't know what the fuck it was!

Garbage?

Gary...

Oh, shut up! You screwed her the worst, in all the ways! [laughs] Oh, I know! I know you make fun of me! And I know that you think that I'm funny, and I'm funny ha-ha-ha! Well at least I cared! I did my job!! I fucking cared!!!

[Gary walks out of the room; everyone is silent, in shock over his outburst]

Well, that just kinda made this whole year worth it.

Yeah.

You realize the whole goddamned Rayburn house office can hear you and your twink army in here cock-scraping each others' esophagi?!

How could you, Andrew? I offered you Secretary of State.

ADAndrew Doyle

Please, you offered that to everybody in town.

Your head is so far up Montez's ass, next time it's Alejandro's birthday, he's gonna come all over your face

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