Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Oh. Dan.
This is awkward. Like catching your sister's eye at an orgy.
Well, my sister would never be at an orgy. Too uptight. She would want health records from everyone— and just kill the momentum and...
Okay. I'm disappointed in you. This is behavior I would expect from myself. But from you? Uh-uh.
Let's cut the crap. We're both here for Chung.
So we both jump together. You know, Butch and Sundance.
Don't they both die?
No, not when they jump. They die at the end.
Hey.
Hi. Uh, we told everyone you were delayed. But we're gonna have to cancel this thing, okay?
No. Mike, what are you talking about? I can't cancel my destiny.
Ma'am, look at you. You're wearing a robe. Unless you want to go down there and sing them a chorus of "Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee," you can't go downstairs.
Knock, knock! J-rock o'clock! Somebody order boom service? As a senior White House official I am commandeering this situation, Mike. Alright, what have you guys got for me?
Okay, she just walked through a glass door which is somewhat ironic, building up to an invisible primary, and she is temporarily insane on a cocktail of happy pills. Over to you. Captain.
[Jonah is dumbstruck with shock, his mouth wide open]
You just broke his brain, Amy.
Jesus, look at that stupid gaping mouth. Let's put stuff in it.
How bad is she?
She's fine. It's just superficial cuts.
Did you give her any painkillers, or...
I didn't want to do that because she's already on St. John's Wort.
I think I got that off a Catholic schoolgirl once.
Ma'am. Uh, how are you?
Look, Amy, watch this. Look how tiny I can make myself. Watch this.
But the donor meeting has been cancelled, yes?
I'm not doing that thing. Seriously, screw all those people. God, I hope Iran drops a nuke on D.C.
Ooh.
Wouldn't that solve a lot of issues? Except Kent wouldn't go anywhere. He'd still be around. He's like an undead cockroach with his... It's true. He's got that blank look. I bet he doesn't even have a come face. Can you imagine fucking that guy?
I pushed someone through a plate-glass door once. That was fucking hilarious.
There's something so sexy about being in a hotel in the middle of the day, right?
Yep, four people to one toilet. You can hear everything that hits the water.
Oh, no, that's a fucking wire brush to my hemorrhoids.
These flowers came for you from the Secretary of Defense Maddox.
Oh, let's see. "Good luck with your Fun Run. Try not to swear when the starter pistol goes off."
Come on.
He's just a varicose dick vein. I can't stand that guy.
Yeah, of course you do, Jonah. You don't get the complexity. You're the world's biggest single-cell organism.
All I'm saying is that there are going to be difficult choices to make, you know? Like Sophie's Choice choices, except more important because it's gonna be about me.
Jonah, don't talk, don't stay. You need to fuck off and go back to Westworld.
But, ma'am—
You need to fuck off.
But, ma'am—
I said fuck off. Three fucks, you're out.
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you so much for seeing me at such short notice, Mr. Davison.
Happy to, Miss Wilson. I'm an ardent admirer of your efficiency and precision.
Oh, well, in that case, let's get right to it.
Excellent. I respect your brevity. It's almost threatening.
All right, let's get this over with ASAP. It's not gonna be easy with this big, gangly piss flap over here who moves like— hey, what do you move like, Will?
I move as slowly as a Mississippi detective investigating the murder of a young black man.
That's right.
Well, I have huge news. In fact, I guarantee you that my news is front-page news. Your news is probably more like a page six, Kardashian crap news.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
