More apologizing, really? I apologized less after banging my brother’s fiancé.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I'm the VP's bag-man. Which I believe in Finland you say kassi?
Excuse me?
I'm a kassi.
[People around the table start tittering]
Where did you get this translation from?
I have a Finnish friend in D.C. who works in the embassy and she gave me a lesson before I came.
OHOsmo Häkkinen
You see, "kassi" is "bag", but it's not, uh, "bag-man". It's a— a man-bag you know? [makes a cupping gesture with his hand]
It is a container. It is a testicle container.
Are you familiar with the Eye of Sauron? The fire-rimmed all-seeing eye from Tolkien's Lord of the Rings?
I think I caught it on a plane once.
The Eye of Sauron is the near-perfect analogue for the modern media. If we can draw the eye to Helsinki, then it won't be looking at what's going on here.
And what is exactly going on here?
I cannot tell you that, Mike.
Is Selina Gollum?
Gary, deflower the room.
[to Gary] There's a sentence I bet you thought you'd never hear.
RRahim
I got you a glass of champagne.
Thank you, Rahim. You drink alcohol?
RRahim
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, you Iranians are full of surprises.
What's the whole not-drinking thing?
EWEd Webster
I'm a Quaker.
What?
Bullshit! No one's a fucking Quaker.
You probably think that staying sober keeps you on top of your game. Well, guess what. I work hard and I play hard, bitch. That's my credo. I got that shit tattooed on my dick with room to spare.
EEd
Jonah, you're not even a man. You're like an early draft of a man, where they just sketched out a giant, mangled skeleton, but they didn't have time to add details, like pigment or self-respect. You're Frankenstein's monster, if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks.
[Watching Danny Chung on TV] See, this is the problem with high-definition. You don't want to see a dick in hi-def.
Madam Vice President, greatest respect, but it has been the job of the VP over the ages to take it in the ass to save the president.
Yeah, let me tell you something. This ass is closed for business. This ass is in clench-down. I don't want to be a decoy. Let the president take it in the ass. He might like it.
Go fuck yourself, Jonah.
But ma'am, I'm G8 advanced team!
Go, period. Fuck, period. Yourself, exclamation point!
So you did get my final e-mail on topics?
JRJanet Ryland
No, but my spam filter did.
JRJanet Ryland
Can we get a couple of lights for the vice president?
GGlen
Yeah, let me just pull that out of my ass.
JRJanet Ryland
It's DC. You can find someone willing to open their ass on a Sunday.
Once again, Andrew, you have totally lived down to my expectations. When I invited you here to the residence to fuck me, I didn't mean this.
Hey, why doesn't POTUS just make an apology? I mean, I did and I was only, like, suicidal for a week.
Because he's a mess, alright. He's got a cave full of bats in his skull.
I took the heat for the spy. Don't I get any credit for that at all?
Yeah, so now we've got the judiciary committee subpoenaing us senseless, and on top of that, we got a rumour going around that says there's a challenger inside the party.
What? Who?
I dunno. One of Gaddafi's sons? They're polling better, so thank you very much for your help, but would you quit being so goddamned proactive? What are you going to do for an encore? Blow the opening day pitch out of your ass?
Ah, that's lovely. Is this what it's going to be like for the next two years?
Oh, my, yes. We are at DEFCON Fuck.
I know what this is all about. This is a political prick tease today.
Yeah, and we're about to meet a bunch of pricks.
You smell that? Money. Hey, Dan?
Ma'am.
Have you heard anything about this Danny Chung playlist?
I just caught that, actually. Some smart stuff on there, too. Nas for the young folks, some Dean Martin for the retirees.
He just got one of his butt droids to do it, which is why I want you to do it for me, okay?
Your mix is my command.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.