I have engraved a recording of my past, so that I would never forget the life that I had, the man I was. So, thy people would not be lost to the dust of time. Let me take thee on a journey into the past... This land was not always parched and burnt. Once a beautiful city thrived in the lush countryside. 'Twas truly a sight to behold. A jewel of all the northern lands. My happiness was a beautiful family of a wife, two sons, and a faithful canine. Times were good, game was plentiful, and my people prospered. 'Twas on return from a successful hunting trip when an omen appeared. A black moon blocked out the sun. It grew and grew until it ate the sky and land. The darkness now loomed over my kingdom. A horrible monster born from within the darkness attacked. My army retaliated. But our efforts were to no avail. 'Twere I alone who was left to destroy the monster. My weapons were worthless. My attempts to avenge amused the monster and he struck me down. I lay before him, ready to battle for the last time. But the villain did not destroy me. Nay, the fate dealt to me was much more cruel. He imprisoned me within an unbreakable crystal, denying me a warrior's end. Helpless was I as the beast destroyed what was left of my beloved kingdom. Then he came for me again. 'Twas his enjoyment that day to punish me for eternity. Thrust me, he did into the core of the mountain. 'Twas his plan for me to spend all of eternity in the mountain. Never to join my fallen comrades in Valhalla, the resting place of all great warriors. Through countless eons, I laid still, but my will was strong. I found a way to manipulate the material around me. Out of the rock, I formed the body thou seest before thee. Then I created a passage so full of peril and danger that only the greatest of warriors can pass. For, you see, the only entry into Valhalla is to fall in combat to another warrior. And thou are the only one to survive. As written, the truth has been told. My fate is at your mercy.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Rise, warrior! Rise! Honorably, I must be defeated! I cannot let up!
Do not worry, I have only begun to fight.
Yeeeeeeessssss. At last, after all these years, a worthy opponent.
Enough of this pointless battle. I will continue to fight you no more.
[strikes] I say thee NAY!!
Come.
That voice beckons me further in. Surely, he takes me for a fool to follow deeper into his traps. [the floor and spike-covered ceiling begin to converge] A fool I be!
After all these years, my freedom has arrived! ACCURSED MONSTER, YOUR SPELL IS BROKEN!!! [roars as he is reverted back to his human form: a muscular Viking warrior] I AM FREE!!! At last, my flesh is restored! The curse... [starts to age rapidly] is lifted! [drops his sword and falls to the ground]
Warrior! I...I...
Don't worry, my friend. Please, hand me my sword. [Jack gives the old Viking warrior his sword] Thank you... [dies as Valkyries ascended down from the sky and take him to Valhalla]
[tries passing through the Scotsman] Um... excuse me.
What do ya expect me to do?
Just stand aside.
And risk fallin' over the side for a perfect stranger? Awa' an bile yer heid! You stand aside!
[pause] My destination lies at the opposite end of the bridge.
And you'll get there after you back up and I reach that end o' the bridge first! [Jack turns his head back to his end]
That would waste too much time, and time is what I don't have.
Sooo, ye think yer better than me cos yer in a hurry! Well, I'm in a hurry too! But, no, ya didn't think o' that, did ya? That I might be an equal! Nooo, ya just consider yerself superior right off! Yer rude.
You mistake my comment, sir.
Do I? Ye think I'm dumb, too?
No, I... Look, we are both in a hurry, so I shall hang from these planks and you may walk right over.
So ya get to peek up me kilt?
That is not what I am suggesting.
So ya say, ya plookie-face hing oot.
What did you call me?
[shackled to the Scotsman] The arrow relies on the bow, and the bow relies on the arrow, but they are not tied together.
That would be pointless now, wouldn't it?
[shows his large sword] What do ya think o' that, Mr. Pajama-Wearing, Basket-Face, Slipper-Wielding, Clipe-Dreep-Bauchle Gether-Upping-Blate-Maw, Bleathering, Gomeril Jessie, Oaf-looking, Stauner, Nyaff, Plookie, Shan, Milk-Drinking Soy-Faced Shilpit, Mim-Moothed, Sniveling, Worm-Eyed, Hotten-Blaugh Vile-Stoochie, Callie-Breek Tattie?
I fear no man.
Ooohhh. That's some tough talk comin' from a guy who wears a basket on his head.
By the look on your face I can tell ya like the pipes, wee laddie.
We are in no condition to fight these odds.
Especially not with a pajama wearin' daisy strapped to me wrist.
[Jack and the Scotsman have been fighting all night and are exhausted]
Are ye ready to give up yet?
I am not defeated, and I will hold my ground.
Hold your ground? Ye can barely stand, let alone hold your sword.
Then come get me.
Wha-? I... [struggles with his sword and gives up] Seeing as I'm a sportsman, I'll give ye a moment to recuperate.
Boys, meet Jackie the Blade. With all the cool accoutrements, see?
Yeah, great. How come he gets the cool name?
Ah, so now Mr. Goody-two-sandals feels like talkin', eh?
Come on out, Jackie.
Jackie?
Actually, it's Jack.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.