[In a commercial] Hire Very Good Building Company for all your construction needs. Or do not. I am not a beggar.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Leslie, who has a longstanding hatred for libraries and librarians, has just had a library named after her.]
[muttering] A fucking library?
[The series' last lines]
You ready, babe?
Yes. I'm ready.
(Season(s) 1-4 opening narration) Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shapeshifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku!
JJack
(Season 5 opening narration) 50 years have passed, but I do not age. Time has lost its effect on me. And yet, the suffering continues. Aku’s grasp chokes the past, present, & future. All hope is lost. Gotta get back. Back to the past. Samurai Jack.
[first lines of the series]
Once again, I am free to smite the world as I did in days long past.
When the evil shapeshifting wizard Aku arose from the bowels of hate to ravage our land, I was a young emperor at the time and was helpless against his powers. But I remembered our grandfather's grandfather's stories about three monks, who were gifted with mystical powers. I rode to the highest peak of the mountainside, where the monks agreed to forge me an enchanted sword with great magic. Armed with the sword and the hope of my people, I plunged into battle against Aku. His evil was no match for the power of righteousness, and with the sword's magic, Aku's demon forces were implanted into the Earth, forever petrifying him into the wasteland that he created. Through years of hard work, we have rebuilt our glorious past with hopes never to encounter an evil such as Aku again. Always be alert, my son, for the presence of evil is sometimes right behind you.
He has returned to us. My son.
JJack
What has happened to our land, Father?
My son, it has been many years since that fateful day that Aku returned from his imprisonment. Enslaved, we have become, to unearth the riches of the land so that Aku can strengthen his powers and begin to take over the world.
JJack
Do not worry, Father, for with the power of this sword, I will vanquish Aku! Sending him back to the pit of hate from which he came.
No! I thought once like you, but the sword is only a tool. What power has it compared to the hand that wields it? Evil is clever, and deception is its most powerful weapon. Let the sword guide you to your fate, but let your mind set free the path to your destiny.
JJack
I will not fail you, Father!
Be wary, my son. For Evil finds a way.
JJack
AKU! [loud echoing]
Who dares to summon the Master of Masters, the Deliverer of Darkness, the Shogun of Sorrow, Aku?
JJack
I am the lost son of the land you have pillaged. I am here to reclaim it. For my people, for my father, for my birthright.
[laughs] Fool. No mortal can hurt the great Aku.
[Jack slashes]
[growls or snarls/grunts/hisses in pain] That sword! I remember that blade. I recognize your blood. You are the son of the fool who imprisoned me those many years ago. No matter. Neither he nor the sword had the power to slay me forever. And neither do you.
JJack
No matter what form you take, Aku, you will never defeat the side of righteousness.
You might have beaten me now, but I will destroy you in the future.
JJack
There is no future for you, Aku.
I disagree. [he shrieks fives circles and forms white holes above and below Jack]
JJack
What trickery is this? [the circles envelope Jack; he slashes but he disappears in a flash of white light] Aku-!
Do not worry, samurai. You will see me again. But next time, you will not be so fortunate.
[Jack encounters cheering homeboys after avoiding the garbage cruncher]
HHomeslice
Yo, Jack! That was some awesome show!
BBrobot
I've never peered upon moves Iike that, Jack!
CLCole Lampkin
Word! Jack was aII ricocheticaIIy-jumpa-deIic!
HHomeslice
Aw, hezeck, yeah! BodigiousIy acrobatastic!
BBrobot
Word! Word! But then, when Jack puIIed that Swiss arm it was aII, Iike, schwim-swack-swoof! Man, right through the car! Swick-attack-whack was fuII on the back, Jaaack!
CLCole Lampkin
Oh, yeah, yeah! And he was aII schfoo-boom! Man! Eat that, fIucking crucker!
HHomeslice
Yo, then my man just lands aII coolish styIe like, "No sweating, chiII."
CLCole Lampkin
Bu-bu-but then that gunner wanna come out aII ramma-lamma-lamma, and then the trashin' aII munchin' and crunchin' and snack-mixin'!
BBrobot
Out of that phat, supercagafragaIistic-tistic tie, yo!
HHomeslice
Yeah! But Jack's just Iike, "Word! Let me get some. Tie, grab. Zip! I'm out, yo!"
JJack
[When he is first asked his name, he relives/recalls some guys watching him in action] They call me Jack.
Ha ha ha ha. So fate has arrived. Many years have gone since that day. And now, my formidabIe foe, you will pay for my pain in the past with your pain in the future.
Down here, old fellow. I was just wondering if you'd be so kind as to join us, as we were just-
JJack
Talking demon dogs!
Good heavens, where?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.