My spirit blood is on your hands.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Ron, ask me if I am sad.
No
Andy will never be the new Jerry. Nothing embarrasses him. He is like a giant puppy with no shame.
I'm gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. Might as well lean into it.
Look, Hogwarts.
No, that's Buckingham Palace. Hogwarts is fictional. You do know that, don't you? It's important to me that you know that.
History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.
I'd invite you for a drink, but where would we find one here?
Are you kidding? This is London. There's a pub over there, there's a pub over there, and there's a pub between those two butcher shops.
Let's go to that one, but we'll be stopping by those two butcher shops first.
I thought you needed some air, even if that air is fouled by the stench of European socialism.
Your son, he's my best friend, he's like a brother to me, but he's a disaster. And your daughter, she needs to be put in a mental institution. On an island. In space.
Hey, you wanted to see me?
I did. [tosses something towards him] Think fast!
Oh my god! [catches it] Hey, Dr. Buttons!...I mean, my old calculator. It doesn't have a name.
Things are exactly the way they were back in 1817! Except, you know, women and minorities can vote, we have indoor toilets and we no longer burn widows for learning arithmetic.
There are two Eagleton departments Pawnee does not have: The Department of Infinity Pool Design and the Department of Dressage, which I'm told is a fancy horse riding thing.
AAlonso
It is horse dancing madam!
Okay take it easy Alonso. All you horse dancing people sit in your saddles if you will. The rest of you welcome to your new departments!
Attention! Eagleton is now under martial law!
No!
I also have a little surprise. I'd like to introduce our new filing temp...
[walking in] Hey everybody!
NOOOOO!
Noooo! Why!? This can't be happening!
Why Leslie!?
When we were state auditors we had an amazing system.
Chris would pump everyone up and made them feel positive and happy and I swooped in and slashed their budgets to ribbons!
Like a majestic alley-oop. You're all amazing!
You're all fired!
Teamwork!
When Leslie called to see if I could help, Gayle and I were getting on a cruise ship to the Bahamas. I said Gayle, put that Bikini away. Because Pawnee needs me.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.