The tables showed up which is good, but there are no chairs which is bad.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[fielding different questions] The next thing you'll want to do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless. Come to the Gala. Next caller.
Grapes of Wrath, chocolate-chip ice cream, and Johnny Cash.
Don't trust big banks or small banks. Banks are ponzi schemes run by morons.
Your house isn't haunted. You're lonely.
Whatever happened to, "Hey, I have some apples. Would you like to buy them?" "Yes, thank you." That's as complicated as it should be to open a business in this country.
I've seen three movies in my life: Bridge on the River Kwai, Patton, and Herbie Fully Loaded. My girlfriend's kids love it. It's pretty funny. Next caller.
How did you get the word out?
Well, Ron went on Joan's show and kicked ass.
I also helped a child perform a tracheotomy on his elderly uncle. It's been a very rewarding day.
Love? Love fades away. But things? Things are forever.
Did you just pee your pants?
Just a dab.
You nasty Jerry.
I hate to say this, but Ann Perkins has terrible taste in rings.
When I heard Ben was getting married, I was all, "to Leslie or to Game of Thrones."
Nooooo... Jerry!
[tying his bow-tie] Okay, did I- did I do it right? [the tie is crooked] How's it look?
Terrible. And perfect. I promised myself I was not going to cry tonight. And I have already broken that promise five times. But I will not... break it a sixth.
Go ahead and let it out, buddy. It's okay.
I have something for you.
All right.
It is the letter from the statehouse... telling us that we have been assigned to Pawnee. Dated May 1st, 2010.
[quietly] No way.
We were supposed to be here eight weeks. I'm so happy that those eight weeks turned into three years, and that you met Leslie, and that we both found a home.
Damn it, you're transferring your crying thing over to me.
It's okay, buddy, let it out. [they laugh]
[to Leslie] Before we go inside, I'd like to say something. You are a wonderful person. [voice breaks] Your friendship means a lot to me. And you look very beautiful.
People who buy things are suckers.
Ah, what am I going to do? I just opened a can of whoop ass on myself!
Oh Ann. You're too beautiful to be funny. It's not your fault, you've never had to compensate for anything.
I wish this office was just walls.
Before I write that letter, you have to spend a whole week doing everything I say.
So what, I have to be your slave or something?
No, you have to be my friend
Ugh, that's so much worse.
You're a smart successful young man with an adorable belly.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.