Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
No we cannot have someone from Eagleton design a park for Pawnee. We have had a blood feud that has lasted for 200 years!
We don't have a lot of time and he is the first decent candidate. So let's at least go meet the guy.
Yeah. That's a good idea. Then we can reject him face to face. I like your plan.
...
Chris gave me this great job as a weekend security guard at Pawnee City Hall. Only one problem. It's a terrible job.
No one from Eagleton has ever wanted to help anyone from Pawnee for any reason. In 1988 we were hit by a tornado. We asked Eagleton for help and they claimed they weren't home. An entire town claimed they weren't home.
Here I have designed something very important. Why don't you start work on that right away?
Yes sir!
[to the camera] It's a flight of stairs that leads to nowhere.
I don't know if you knew this, but Leslie was born in Eagleton.
Do not blame me for the sins of my mother!
Were you listening to him when he was talking about serving the public and making our communities better? You know who he sounds like right?
Yes! Idi Amin. Or Lord Voldemort.
No. You!
Mr. Saint James. This has been a strange day but we wouldn't wanna leave you with the wrong impression of Pawnee.
[runs in] HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN HITLER!? [runs out]
...
Well done Team! What do ya think of the place?
Do you really like this yellow paint? I mean I know it was on sale but it looks a lot like dried phlegm.
For real Tom. This place is sad. I think one of the mannequins tried to commit suicide.
I think what's important is that we all had a goal, and we achieved it.
So you like the place?
Oh no it's quite terrible.
This is the best I can do for now. And I'm $46 under budget! Now I have a small treat for you guys for all your hard work. Pizza Party!
One small pizza for all of us!? With no toppings!?
Cheese is a topping Jerry! And why are all these lights blaring by the way? Does somebody own stock in the electric company? [shuts the lights off]
Hmm. If there were more food and fewer people this would be the perfect party.
[Two Eagletonians are presenting their offensive park design]
We present the crown jewel of Pawnee containing the sights, sounds and most importantly, smells that define your city.
There are several drool buckets for your more slack-jawed citizens. We also have food troughs full of cheeseburgers and public showers with instructions for those who've never showered before.
[Pause]
[quietly with rage] You have five seconds to get out of here or I will rip your throats out.
Out! Now!
Oh hey, my backyard is bigger than your park so...
[Ben holds Leslie back from charging her]
Leslie stay back! Stay back!
Alright so does this look familiar?
No not at all.
I was talking to Joey.
Joey!
Mommy!
Oh there you are! Oh God I was so worried! Thank you so much! You'll never know how much I appreciate it!
Well just doin my job ma'am.
Thank you for saving me Andy. Thank you too Ms. Hitler.
...What?
Don't worry about it.
[Joey's Mom hurriedly carries him away]
Wow you made those losers very happy.
What the Hell happened man!?
I had nothing to do with that stupid prank. In fact that's why I'm late, I was firing the two people who were responsible and I was escorting them out of the building.
Well...good!
Full disclosure. Certain people in the firm wanted to promote them but I insisted they be fired.
If you swear to me that your serious, maybe we can salvage this.
I would really love to. But what about Leslie? I doubt that she could ever get over the bad blood between our towns.
I think you're wrong. Leslie is a very forgiving person.
[Leslie runs up and start spraying shaving cream all over Wrestin]
REVENGE! Hahaha this is for Pawnee you buttfaced pompous jerk! WOOOOO! I love you Ben! PAWNEE FOREVER! You want a stupid tie!? [spraying his tie] I'll give you a stupid tie! Haha Wrestin! Suck it! Now we're even.
Leslie.
Huh?
He didn't do it and he fired the people who did.
... [drops cans and runs away]
It's been a pleasure serving with you son.
If you ever need me you know where to find me. In bed next to you, probably having sex with you.
Welcome to the new new Rent-A-Swag now with 30% more swag. I used the money you guys gave me to add a little flair and I took everything I own in my house and brought it here. Except for my bed. I basically live here now.
I hate all of this. Which probably means it's good for your business.
Merry Congratuchristmas!
What?
Recently I made a chair. When I was finished I thought it was a good chair. I submitted it to the Indiana Fine Woodworking Association who felt it merited consideration for an award...It's been a real whirlwind!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
