Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Hey.
Hey.
Ugh! Disgusting.
Alright. Wow, we're just not biting our tongues anymore? This is vintage.
Okay, no. There's a green bubble on the group chat.
I have an iPhone, but I left the group chat after Mr. Johnson started that soup thread.
Uh, it's me, okay? I-I got a new phone. A droid.
Wait, there's a group chat?
People have thrown dirt on my name. Others have given flowers. But it’s all a garden to me.
Barbara, I’ve never seen you fail a child. You always find a solution
Oh, please. I do not always have the answers. But I always show up. And that’s what matters
Feeling under the weather?
It's cold and flu season somewhere.
Well, I'm sure that's true. Lovely of you to come by and see Janine at work. It meant so much to her. She talks about you all the time.
Can you believe she's never invited me here before?
I really can't. You've raised a wonderful daughter. I hope you're extremely proud.
I am. You know, she's a Penn grad. Her sister, on the other hand... well, you win some, you lose some.
I have had the great pleasure of watching Janine grow so much. I mean, this year alone, working for her students and on herself, building up the confidence and the money to treat herself to a much-needed vacation.
Huh?
Wait, wait, wait. So, for clarity, you don't think you were being selfish?
No.
Oh, so it's normal for you to invite a guy to his favorite barbecue restaurant just to break up with him in front of his friend who you kissed but didn't actually date?
I didn't think of it that way.
Yeah. It stung a little bit, but it's all good. I, too, become selfish sometimes. For example, I'm ghosting this girl right now. You know, she thinks I'm dead, but this convo, it inspired me to reach out to her, send her a text. I wouldn't want to hurt her.
They're not all bad.
I think they're cool.
Mnh.
I actually like them this year.
Shocking.
I don't know. I feel like they've been unequivocally and universally worse than they've ever been. From unhelpful to unbearable.
Good morning, Abbott Elementary!
Ava! Your needed in the gym!
Yeah, there's a bunch of teachers in there saying Princeton's better than Harvard.
OH HELL NO!
[Ava runs out of the office.]
Okay, we have like two minutes so can you please fill us in on the rest of this genius plan?
Ava said she stopped listening to the Town Women.
City Girls.
But I know there's one song she cannot resist. Jacob, whip out the Walkman.
Phone.
Open up Napster.
Spotify.
Jesus, close your ears. Come on.
[Ava runs into the gym.]
Princeton is the Temple University of the Ivies!
Now Mr. Johnson!
Let go of your butts!
[The lights turn on and Juvenile's "Back That Azz Up" starts playing with Ava dancing]
Yeah. Okay, class, uh... Ms. Schemmenti's gonna step outside for a sec. Guys, watch 'em, okay?
Oh, you guys don't have to do that.
Heads down, thumbs up. Time to play seven up!
They actually listened. Have you ever considered teaching?
Uh... y'all hiring? I mostly work on Sundays.
Good morning. Good morning. (Gasps) Good morning.
Good morning Mrs. Howard.
Tariq.
Huh?
What are you doing here? Janine's down at the district now.
Dang, she moved to D.C.?
And take your presumably sticky hands off of my student.
You mean take my definitely sticky hands off of my son.
To quote Maury Povich, you are not the father.
And to quote the hip-hop legend Shaquille O'Neal, his biological didn't bother. See, I've been dating his mama for like seven weeks, so technically, I'm a stepdaddy right now. Ain't that right, Tariq Jr.?
Mm.
Melissa and Captain Robinson: Childhood.
Nah, but this is a real problem.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Where did you even get a cigarette?
Yeah, what you, a French child?
The guy around the corner sold it to me for a dollar.
A dollar? Inflation is crazy. But you are in big trouble, because cigarettes are banned.
Not on any of the signs I saw.
What?
It just seems like most drugs aren't that bad.
Fine, you can smoke a little! Just don't do opioids.
[Everyone shakes their head in disagreement]
My grandfather is on opioids.
Drugs from a doctor are okay.
My mom's on Valtrex.
That's fine, your mom has herpes.
HEY!
Lady, are you high?!
We used to be the Three Musketeers. But now I'm one musketeer, and they're just two, that don't invite me to things.
Ooh, ooh.
Look, guys, I don't know. She just said she's dropping by with a special surprise.
Yeah. Plus this is Philly. I mean, you can't hock a loogie without hitting something historic around here.
I just don't feel good about you giving out your address to strangers online. It's not safe.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
