Chappelle's Show quotes

7 total quotes

Bush: (referring to the UN) UN, you get problem with that. You know what you should do. You should sanction me. Sanction me with your army. Oh! wait a minute! You don't have an army! So I guess that means you need to shut the fuck up! That's what would I do if I don't have an army, I would shut the fuck up. (leans towards microphones on the podium) Shut. The. Fuck. UP!. That's right! Kofi Annan, I ain't takin' orders from an African. You might speak sixteen languages, but you gonna need them when you in Times Square selling fake hats.

Bush: After carefully examining the region me and my cabinet agree that that area is definitely ripe for regime change...but if I can be real about it? Ashcroft: Be real, son. Bush: Real? Ashcroft: Yo be real real, son. Bush: He tried to kill my father, man. I don't play that shit! Ashcroft: Yo say word he tried to kill your father, son. Bush: (grabbing boom mike from above): THE NIGGA TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER!!

Bush: I got a coalition of the willing. I got 40 nations ready to roll, son! Reporter: Like who? Bush: Who the fuck said that? Huh? Huh? Like who? England. Japan's sending Playstations. Stankonia said they are willing to drop bombs over Baghdad. Riggity Row is coming. Afrika Bambaataa and the Zulu Nation. So, I'm not doing this by myself, and I'm not disrespecting the UN, even though they don't got no army. Go sell some medicine, bitches! I'm trying to get that oil...[coughs, trying to cover up saying oil] hole!

Chad: Tyree, you stabbed my dad! And you had sex with Katie. Tyree: Hey man, you got that all wrong. I ain't have sex with Katie. LYSOL had sex with Katie, I just filmed it. Katie: No, Tyree. You had sex with me too! Tyree: Correction. I had sex Katie too, man. (to the camera:) Don't give up, Stinky! Katie's got some big ass tittays.
My dad says if you never give up and you work hard, all your dreams will come true! ' Thats the gayest shit i ever heard

Silky Johnston: Uh-oh, fellas! Looks as though we have company. Slave master: What the hell are you niggers doing out here? Silky Johnston: We are the Time Haters. We travelled all the way back through time... to call yuh a cracker. Slave master: You better watch your mouth. Buck Nasty: Actually you better watch your mouth white boy, before I shove these gators up your ass and show yo' insides some style. Slave master: ENOUGH! <cracks whip> Beautiful: I-I can't be no slave, Silky! <runs off> Silky Johnston: Oh good gawd!
Buck Nasty: Look Silky, he done pulled out a whip. Silky Johnston: Nice whip. This here is a pistol. Reach for the sky, honky! Slave: Honky? HONKY? Silky Johnston: "Honky" is a racial epithet used for white people. It was made popular by a man named George Jefferson in the 1970s. You see, he and his wife, Weezie, owned a dry-cleaning business, so they moved on up to the east side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky. They finally got a piece of the pie. Convoluted story I'll admit, but the point is this... that in the future, all black people will be FREE! Slave: When's we gonna be free? Silky Johnston: That is a good question my man. How about now-ish? <shoots the slave owner, the scene is repeated 3 times>

Stinky's song:
I don't believe your pappy / He may be rich, but he ain't happy / Tell you about work and you want to be him/ but when's the last time you got to see him?/ He works hard and why? / So you can go out and buy / A bunch of shit that you don't need / Driven by your punk ass hopes and greed / That's why / I say / Fuck it / For the first time in my life / I'm finally free / No mansion for me / I said fuck it / No brand new humvee / I said fuck it / But you'll get no pussy / Fuck it / You don't understand / That I make love to my hand / So I dont need you, honey / I beat my dick like it owes me money / Fuck it / (speaking) That's right, I said fuck it.... / now excuse me ima go make a nice...Feces sandwich /

Wayne Brady: I make Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X, huh, motherfucker?
Wayne Brady: Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?
Wayne Brady: Dave, I'm sorry. Well actually, I'm not sorry! (laughs) I don't give a fuck! They cancel my show, and shit goes crazy!
Donnell Rawlings: OH SHIT! IT'S WAYNE BRADY, SON!
Wayne Brady: This is not an option, nigga, if you not smoking this, then we have a problem.