Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 1 quotes

Holt

Don't worry, I'm not listening to you. I'm just thinking about how this sea bass is cold. But not as cold and cruel as the hands of fate that have thrust my entire life into darkness.

Jake

All right, listen, Fogle. We have a councilman in the hospital and his shooter is still at large. We don't have time for this incompetence. I want your partner off the case, what's his name?

It's Raymond Holt.

Jake

Oh! It's Dad... I mean, Captain Holt! I mean, Captain Dad. I mean, Officer Holt. I mean, Officer Dad. Yep, that was it. Officer Dad, I found it.

So, the Department is going to settle without admitting any wrongdoing, and, because the facts of the case will remain unresolved, there will be no suspension for Marzipan, or Peralta.

Holt

How is that possible? Peralta arrested and harassed an innocent man.

Oh, come on, these are cops. They gotta make split-second decisions in life-or-death situations, and they can't be expected to get that 100% accurate every single time.

Holt

This was not a life-or-death situation!

True, but next time it might be, and how can this one do his job if he knows that any teeny tiny lapse in judgement could end with you branding him a dirty cop and ruining his life?

Jake

I've never seen this face before. Is that-

Holt

Yes. He's made me huffy. Do you know what happens when you refuse to punish cops for their mistakes? When police are treated as a separate class of citizen- above the law? It breeds a lack of trust in the community, and that lack of trust means people won't help us with their investigations, or testify, or even call us when they're in danger. It makes them more scared of us than of criminals and gangsters! It makes them run when we approach even though they've done nothing wrong! It makes the people see us as the enemy, which leads to more confrontation, more distrust. You wonder how Peralta can do his job when he's held accountable for his actions? I wonder how any of us can do our jobs, if he's not.

What a bunch of bunk. The City's gonna settle, there's not gonna be any suspensions; take the win!

Jake

Wait! What if I admitted I made an error and apologized?

He is speaking hypothetically. You'll notice he didn't use the "s" word and he never used the "m" word.

Jake

I'm sorry. I made a mistake.

Holy shit! Let the record show that he didn't say anything specific.

Jake

I arrested a man without sufficient probable cause in a case I was removed from.

He has no idea what he's talking about.

Jake

I then followed my victim to his home-

[hastily moving toward the door] Now's gonna be a good time for us to-

Jake

-in an act that could only be seen as police intimidation.

[puts his fingers in his ears] La-la-la-la-

Jake

I take full responsibility for my mistake and I'm willing to say as much in a court of law. And what's more, I'm very, very sorry!

Yeah, he has to be suspended. I'm sorry.

Oh, don't you start. [leaves; Jenkins follows]

Jake

Wow. That was amazing, you beat him! I can't believe it actually worked out okay.

Holt

You're suspended for five months.

Jake

Right. I know. But, I deserve it, and I learned a valuable lesson from all this, so I'm counting it as a win.

Holt

I get that, Peralta. But things will be a lot better when a man doesn't have to lose his job for you to learn a lesson.

Jake

Yeah. Fair enough. Thank you, sir. [pause] It was crazy when you got huffy.

Holt

So huffy!