Bogan Hunters Season 1 quotes

Pauly

You got any tatts?

Oh, I've got five dogs, or six dogs, but not here yet.

Pauly

No, no, no, tattoos, you got any tattoos?

Tattoos, oh, only these ones.

Pauly

Andrew has all his girls' names tattooed on one arm. That's the girl's side, with the kid's names. And on the other arm, he's got all the boys.

So the other side are all me kids.

Pauly

That's all the boys... But there's a reason.

Because I can't remember the dates of birth, 'cause I'm always too smashed.

Pauly

So you just put them on your arm, makes it easier?

Yeah if I have to go to Centrelink and they ask me, I go 'well, here we go, here's their date of birth'.

Pauly

And while we're on the topic of the bigger girls in Tassie, what do you call the larger girls in Tassie?

Obeasties.

Pauly

Obeasties?

Yes. You can't call them fat, 'cause its just discrimination, so we call them obeasties.

Pauly

Obeasties, oh I get it because beastie and obese and you put them together and you got an obeastie.

That's it!

Pauly

I'm glad I'm not fat, 'cause I'd be f%#@&!^ insulted badly.

Pauly

Where are you from, man?

Germany, yeah.

Pauly

He's from Germany and you've come all the way to visit Bon Scott's grave?

Yes.

Pauly

You like Bon Scott?

Bon Scott.

Pauly

He's good?

Zuper.

Pauly

Zuper?

Zuper, Zuper, Bon Scott, here.

Pauly

Bon Scott's in his heart mate. He's come all the way from the other side of the planet. That's the influence the bogans have had on the world.

Pauly

If you don't know what a game of thongs is, basically; two contestants, one thong a piece, the hardest hit in the head is the winner.

I'm a Holden girl. I've loved working on the Holdens. You bring a Ford in my driveway, prepare to have it lit on fire.

Pauly

Before we could investigate, Kev demanded a rematch. New Zealand might be good at rugby, but they can't beat the Darwinians when it comes to sculling drinks. Shane smashed him again. The Kiwi has gone down harder than a sack of potatoes mate.

Nah, nah, they're really cold eh, I like my beers warmer.

Pauly

Look, look mate, you didn't even, look how much is left on it!

Me step dad always said, you know, if you drive a Holden, you're a real man and he said if you drive a Ford, you're a bloody idiot.

Pauly

So if you're driving like a Ferrari?

They're compensating for what they don't really have downstairs for the ladies.

Pauly

What about a Lamborghini?

Only pussies drive them.

Pauly

I asked the receptionist about any unusual tatts she'd seen.

A turd on a girl's back.

Pauly

A toad?

A turd.

Pauly

A turd ?!?

A turd.

Pauly

A s#!% ?!?

Yes!!

Pauly

Now, that thermal camera is looking straight through the blinds, and you're getting a great example of the mating of the bogan, or 'rooting' as it is most commonly known.

Shazza

Mate, this bloke's a stayer. He's gone longer than a minute!

Pauly

Look at the way a bogan will move so quick to a beer, the same way a crocodile will snap up for its food. And that's how quick a bogan would be for their Centrelink cheque on a Thursday.

Pauly

This bloke told us he's the 'Snoop Dogg of Ravenswood'.

In Ravenswood, skids are good. Bogans on the street with their... uggies.

Pauly

He's busted a few rhymes for us.

We've got Pitbulls, not... other.. little dogs. Chihuahuas.

Pauly

Is it just me, or is it not rhyming? I thought I'd battle him, look at this. I'm in Ravenswood, I'm down in the hood, and it's very good.

We stab people, shoot people and it's very good.

Pauly

He should just stick to unwrappin'... his lunch.

Pauly

Marijuana psychosis will make you do things like forget to put the chair in the car, and other weird things....

And these are old pets we like to keep around.

Pauly

We found out that these things here were actually from his pet! And that's when Shazza spotted the arse in the cage.

Shazza

What the f#%@ is that? You've got a women's pair of legs in a f%#@&!^ cage behind a child's swing ?!?

Don't judge me it's art! Don't judge me it's art!

Shazza

Alright Mr. Manson, I've gotta get the f#%@ outta here.

Let's go!! What are you gonna do? F#%@ you!

Pauly

When dealing with wild bogans, sometimes a temporary sedation is required.

Pauly

He's not hurt, but he knows his boundaries. I'm a Boganologist, I love the species. That hurt me more than it hurt him.

Pauly

The team noticed an intoxicated bogan attempting to drive home.

Yeah! We've got him bro.

Shazza

Hey Kev!

Pauly

Honestly come up there, get up to him! Get up along side him!

Shazza

Go get him Pauly, get him!

Pauly

The bogan was pursued in the bogan hunting vehicle.

Shazza

Get him! Go, get him Pauly, get him!

Pauly

For his own good, Shazza pulled out the taser.

EEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWWWW!!!!

That fella was trying to drink and drive! That's a no-no bro!

Pauly

So now we've let him off. It's time for him to go back to his habitation and sleep it off. We've got his keys.

I've had women say in clubs 'can I touch it?', and unfortunately they're referring to the mullet.