Hail Queen Asphyxia, Supreme Mistress of the Universe!
And hail to you, my Triple-Husbandoid! I summon you here to group-greet our swift imperial navies home. Approach, Grand Admiral of the Dark Segment and Lord of the High-Slung Bottoms of Zob!
[approaches] Morning.
To you, Blackadder - thrice-endowed Supreme Donkey of the Trouser-Pod - this much greeting.
I, too, bold navigator, cringe my dribblies at your resplendent pofflesnu!
Yes, well, that won’t be necessary, thank you.
Approach your slave: Baldrick!
[Baldrick enters to a fanfare, wearing leather underpants and poses]
For God's sake, Baldrick, if you're going to wear that ridiculous jockstrap, at least keep your legs together.
[stands and salutes] Wilco, skipper!
Majesties, I give you this much greeting.
What news of the foul Malmydons?
Scattered to the Nine Vectors, My Lord.
And the Sheepsqueezers of Splatican Five? Have they been suckcreamed as a Qvarnbeast's nobbo?
...Well, they're all dead, if that's what you mean.
Plus, Commander, did you vanquish the Nibblepibblies?
No, My Lord Pigmot, I did not vanquish the Nibblepibblies because you just made them up.
Dammit!
[laughs] Excellent, Commander! You have most pleasantly wibbled my frusset pouch. Now, bring forth the gift with which you honour me.
Majesties, from a place where the stars begin and end, I bring you this. [holds up a crystal sceptre]
Ooh, lovely, an ashtray!
Come, Majesty, he wastes our time!
Yes, send him to the Sprouting Chamber!
No, wait! What is it, Commander?
Well, I'll show you, shall I? [a blinding light shoots out of the scepter, and when it clears, Queen Asphyxia is left alone on the throne. He then hands the sceptre to Baldrick and approaches the queen] And now, Your Majesty, I must respectfully insist that you hand over to me supreme command of the universe, sew a button on my spare uniform and marry me this afternoon.
[eagerly] I thought you'd never ask.
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