Nursie, Queenie and others in Blackadder

Nursie

Pity about this, tinky-wink; you always used to love this time of year!

I know. Leaving a little mince pie and a glass of wine out for Father Christmas, and then scoffing it, because I was a princess and could do what I bloody well liked!

Nursie

And wondering if your father's wife would last until Boxing Day without having her head cut off.

We knew if he gave her a hat, she'd probably be alright.

Nursie

Happy days!

Yes. Maybe I was a little rash. [Blackadder and Melchett enter the throne room] Ah boys, welcome back! But Melchie, what have you got under your coat? [Blackadder smiles to himself] It's not a present, is it?

A present, Majesty? But of course! [pulls out an elaborate, bejewelled crown] You're so painfully transparent, Blackadder.

[smugly] Am I?

[delighted] Oh, that's fab, I love presents! [Blackadder rolls his eyes at her mercurialness, while she turns to Melchett] You know, for a moment I took against Christmas, but I'm completely dippy about it again. In fact, I'd like to marry you! [Blackadder looks shocked] ...If you weren’t as unattractive as a giant slug! [she and Melchett laugh]

Oh pish, Majesty!

But anyway, to reward you, I'm going to give you lots of presents! Fancy a castle?

Well, Windsor, Majesty?

Title?

Duke of Kent?

Anything else?

Well, a devilish saucy wife would be fun.

Lady Jane Pottle!

[gleeful] Oh yummy!

I think she's Blackadder's girl at the moment, but that doesn't matter, does it, Blacky?

[clearly seething] No, ma'am, of course not. And perhaps Lord Melchett would like to whip me naked through the streets of Aberdeen?!

Oh, I don't think we need go that far, Blackadder...

[sarcastic] Oh, too kind!

No, Aylesbury's quite far enough.

Super. Well done, Melchy. Now, Blackadder, what have you got me?

[having destroyed her Christmas present] Um...

I WANT A PREZZIE! Give me something nice and shiny, and if you don't, I've got something nice and shiny for you: it's called AN AXE!