Ho, sir, bring out the dictionary at once!
Bring it out, sir, or in my passion, I shall kill everyone by giving them syphilis!
Bring it out, sir, and also any opium plants you have in there with you!
Bring it out, sir, or we shall break down the door!
Ah, good morning, Dr. Johnson, Lord Byron-
Where is my dictionary?
And what dictionary would this be?
[Johnson, Byron, Shelley and Coleridge advance on Blackadder with swords drawn to the tune of an ominous drumbeat]
[outraged] The one that has taken me eighteen hours of every day for the past ten years! My mother died, I hardly noticed. My father cut off his head and fried it in garlic in the hopes of attracting my attention; I scarcely looked up from my work! My wife brought armies of lovers to the house, who worked in droves so that she might bring up a huge family of bastards! I cared not!
[cornered] Am I to assume that my elaborate bluff has not worked?
Dictionary!
Right, well, the truth is - now, don't get cross, don't over-react - the truth is: we burnt it.
Then you die!
[Blackadder cowers as they were about to attack]
[enters with the same dictionary] Morning, everyone. Ah, Doctor Johnson. You know, this dictionary really is a cracking good read!
[relieved] My dictionary... [to Blackadder] But you said you burnt it!
Um...
I think it's a splendid book, and I look forward to patronizing it enormously!
Oh, thank you, sir. Well, I think I'm man enough to sacrifice the pleasure of killing to maintain the general good humour. There is to be no murder today, gentlemen. [they grumble] But retire to Mrs. Miggins'! I shall join you there later for a roister you shan't forget!
Hurrah! [leave]
So, tell me, what words particularly interested you?
Oh, nothing. Anything, really.
I see you've underlined a few. "Bloomers"? "Bottom"? "Burp"? [reads through the pages] "Fart"? "Fiddle"? "Fornicate"? Sir, I hope you are not using the first English dictionary to look up rude words!
I wouldn't be too hopeful. That's what all the others will be used for.
[to Blackadder] Sir, can I look up 'turnip'?
'Turnip' isn't a rude word, Baldrick.
It is if you sit on one.
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