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S1 E15

Blackadder · Season 1, Episode 15

Prince Ludwig, Blackadder and others in “Unfinished Business”

Forgive me, Herr Blackadder...I have been neglecting my duties as a host. Please accept my apple-ogies.

I accept nothing from a man who imprisons his guests in a commode.

I hope this scum has not inconweenienced you.

It takes more than a maniac trying to cut off my goolies to inconweenience me.

Good. If he had inconweenienced you, I was going to offer you his tongue.

Believe me, sir: if he had inconweeniened me, you would not have a tongue with which to make such an offer.

Let me assure you, Herr Blackadder: if I no longer had a tongue with which to make such an offer, you would no longer have a tongue with which to tell me that, if I had inconweenienced you, I would no longer have a tongue with which to offer you his tongue.

Yes, well, enough of this banter. Who the hell are you, sausage breath?

You do not remember me then, Herr Blackadder?

I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

Oh, on the contrary. We have met many times, although you knew me by another name. Do you recall a mysterious black marketeer and smuggler called Otto with whom you used to dine and plot and play the biscuit game at the Old Pizzle in Dover?

My God!

Yes! I was the waitress.

I don't believe it! You? Big Sally?

[falsetto] `Will you have another piece of pie, My Lord?'

But I went to bed with you, didn't I?

For my country, I am willing to make any sacrifice.

Yes, but I'm not! I must have been paralytic!

Indeed you were, "Mr. Floppy".

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