Percy, Baldrick and others in “Unfinished Business”

Percy

I'm not coming. I'm just not coming. Of course, I'm very keen to go on the trip. It's just I've got an appointment. To have my nostrils plucked. Next year.

Baldrick

I'm sorry, m'lord. I thought it was 'cause your were a complete coward.

Percy

[laughs nervously] Don't be ridiculous, Baldrick. You know me. I laugh in the face of fear and tweak the nose of the dreadful spindly killer fish. I'm not one of your milksops who's scared out of his mind by the mere sight of water. [Baldrick offers a mug of water; screams] YES, ALL RIGHT, I ADMIT IT, I ADMIT IT, I'M TERRIFIED! You see, Baldrick, when I was a baby...I was savaged by a turbot! Oh, Baldrick, you can't think of a way to get me out of this, can you?

Baldrick

You could hide, m'lord.

Percy

Hide. Brilliant! Where?

Baldrick

Um...in the box!

Percy

Which one?

Baldrick

That one.

Percy

Perfect! [climbs into the box] Let's practice. Edmund comes in and says "Hello, Baldrick. Have you seen Percy?". And you say?

Baldrick

Uh, no, my lord, I haven't seen him all day.

Percy

Brilliant! Oh my god, here he comes! [closes the lid of the box]

[walks in] Oh, hello, Balders. Where the hell's that cretin, Percy? You haven't seen him, have you?

Baldrick

[struggles to remember what he was supposed to say, then replies...] Yes, my lord, he's hiding in the box!

[bangs on the box] Come on, jelly brain! Hurry up or we'll miss the tide!