I was wondering if I might have the afternoon off?
Of course not. Who do you think you are, Wat Tyler? You can have the afternoon off when you die, not before.
But I want to cheer brave Sir Walter home. Oh, sir, on a day like today, I feel proud to be a member of the greatest kingdom on earth.
And doubtless many members of the animal kingdom feel the same. [a loud cheer erupts from outside] Look, will you shut up?! Bloody explorers! Ponce off to Mumbo-Jumbo Land and come home with a tropical disease, a suntan and a bag of brown lumpy things, and Bob's-your-uncle, everyone's got a picture of them in the lavatory! I mean, what about the people that do all the work?
The servants?
No, me! I'm the people who do all the work! I mean, look at this! [holds up a potato] What is it?
I'm surprised you've forgotten, my lord.
I haven't forgotten, it's a rhetorical question.
Nah, it's a potato.
To you, it's a potato. To me, it's a potato. But to Sir Walter bloody Raleigh, it's luxury estates, fine carriages and as many girls as his tongue can cope with! He's making a fortune out of the things: people are smoking them, building houses out of them...they'll be eating them next!
Stranger things have happened, my lord.
[dismissively] Oh, exactly.
That horse becoming Pope.
For one. [knock on the door] Get that, Baldrick. Probably some berk with a parrot on his shoulder selling plaster gnomes of Sir Francis Drake and his Golden Behind.
[Baldrick goes to answer the door]
[offscreen; chanting] Sourpuss! Grumpy-face! Sourpuss! Grumpy-face! Sourpuss! Grumpy-face! [Blackadder hears from the window] Sourpuss! Grumpy-face! Sourpuss! Grumpy-face! [Blackadder grabs his bow] Sourpuss! Grumpy-face! [Blackadder leans out the window] Sourpuss! Grumpy-face! Sour- [Blackadder looses an arrow] Ah! Mummy!
[calling out the window] And another thing; why aren't you at school?!
[enters] Ah, I see you've started talking to yourself, Blackadder.
Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation around here.
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