[The team arrive at the abandoned military base of Los Soledad]
You didn't need to come. Gwen and I could've handled this alone. It's nothing really.
It doesn't sound like nothing. Weird noises, unearthly lights, rumors of weird creatures out here.
Yeah, the dudes I heard it from aren't totally reliable.
GTGwen Tennsyon
Isn't that like a big bad boy thing to do? Come out here to the ghost town to drag race.
How should I know? I just know them from autoshop.
[Ben and Gwen spot a graffiti on the wall that reads: "Kevin Rules!"]
Grandpa Max said Los Soledad used to be a big military base back in the 50's. Some kind of research facility.
Yeah, must've been some serious research. Check out these walls. Fifty years later and there's still no way in. [spots some large holes in the walls] No way! These weren't here.
[They enter the base]
Did anyone notice some of them are vaguely person-shaped?
Weird. Maybe something, I don't know, burned through the wall.
The same thing that burned these weird trails everywhere.
[Zoom out to reveal burned ash trails everywhere]
Look. [points to a skeleton of a bird on the ground]
This is a bird. [picks up a fossil skeleton of a lizard] And these are lizard bones. They're fossilized.
And they're not the only thing. It's like someone turned this slate into sand just by standing on it.
These films are really corroded. But it looks like this base was built for some kind of time experiment called, "Project: Paradox."
Who wouldn't pick the desert outside Bellwood to do top-secret research?
They built it here because of the huge quartz deposits.
"Quartz time?" Maybe they were trying to build the world's biggest wristwatch.
[signifying the picture of the professor] His name's been censored. Whoever he was, his paradox theory was the basis of some kind of experimental tunnel through time.
[They enter a lab with materials sucked into the time portal]
Looks like my place after that big party I threw last weekend.
[spots a trail on the ground] Look, that thing's been here, too.
Only one trail. It either came in here and vanished.
Hey, it's that dork from the photo, the paradox guy.
You haven't changed at all in 50 years.
Oh, considerably more than that. Gumball?
No, thanks. Who are you? What's your name?
You just read my file. I was rather hoping you could tell me. It slipped my mind several hundred years ago.
Those trails. They're not burned marks, they're age. The creature accelerates time!
[charging at the trans-dimensional creature] Not so fast, ugly! [punches the creature, but it causes his hand to wrinkle and ages forward into an old man]
[reverting back] Just touching that thing aged him, 60, 80 years? We've got to get him to a hospital.
What are you doing? Get your hands off me.
Come on, Kevin, we're going to get you some help.
What do you mean, "help?" I'm gonna kick that thing's keister! [kicks his foot and his back spine pops] Oy!
My back is killing me, my legs ache, and what's up with these shoes? Is it too much to ask for a little support?
He's like a real irritable, short-tempered, crotchety old man.
In other words, aside from the male-pattern baldness, he's pretty much the same as always. Come on, old man. I'll take those. [takes the car keys out of Old Kevin's hand as he's trying to insert them into something]
What do you think you're doing?
Don't even think about it, you don't have a license.
Grandpa Max taught me, and it's an emergency. You're nearsighted, arthritic, your reflexes are shot, and you're trying to unlock a cactus.
[Zoom out to reveal that Old Kevin was trying to unlock a cactus, mistaking it for his car]
[sitting in the backseat; to Gwen] You should've gone out with me when I was young and handsome.
[backs up and accidentally bumps into some trash cans; embarrassingly] Whoops! (My bad.)
[to Ben as he and Gwen carry him after getting out of the car] You are never driving my car again!
[Parts from Kevin's car fall apart]
Where have you been? You were supposed to get here six seconds ago. Or this thing running fast?
Who are you anyway? What are you doing here?
There's something different about you. Is it your hair?
Yeah, I'm parting it down the middle now, and I also got real old!
Don't talk to me about old. I walk in eternity.
Well, you better start running ineternity, smart guy!
I'll tell you my story in a way that you can understand. With a beginning, middle and end. We'll start in the middle. Los Solidad was built entirely because of my ingenious theory. A time tunnel utilizing properties which I discovered in quartz crystals. Which allows us access past and future events.
Well for a genius it looks like you blew it.
You don't know the half of it. So some tiny miscalculation on my part destabilized the experiment and ripped a hole in the fabric of reality. I was hurled into the event horizon. I must have spent 100,000 years there. I didn't age, or need to sleep or eat. Just exist.
Heh, sounds pretty boring.
Professor Paradox At first, I went mad of course, but after a few millennia, I got bored with that too, and went sane. Very Sane. I began to learn. I now have total understanding of the space/time continuum, allowing me to travel anywhere and anywhen I want. Within reason of course.
