Mitchell and Lucy in “Cure and Contagion”

Look, are you okay?

I was a house officer at the Whittington in London. I had a boyfriend, a goldfish, a flat with a garden. When it was someone's birthday at work we'd have wine in mugs and eat Twix fingers and, do you know what? It was lovely. But because I am an idiot and because it was a promotion, I gave it all up and me and my goldfish moved here, where the doctors have an acronym for unattractive female patients; IWEJF - 'I wouldn't even jizz in her face'. And last night, I got home and my goldfish was gone - no body, no note, nothing. So no, I'm really not okay.

Do you have a cat? Because chances are, that's what ate the goldfish.

I don't, but if I did I think I would have made that connection.

A cat must have got in somehow.

Yeah, actually, could you just sort of piss off for a bit? [Pushes him out through the door. Mitchell pauses for a moment, then goes back in, annoyed]

As my best friend so kindly pointed out to me this morning, I don't have a girlfriend, all my family are dead and I mop up puke and pee and shit for five quid an hour. So, much as I sympathise, if we're comparing isolation and disappointment I think I win. [turns to go]

I'm Lucy.

Mitchell.

I keep screwing up, Mitchell.

Then you're in good company.