You know, I've been stuck in this tin can for three years. I haven't taken a vacation--okay, okay, it's my fault, I had the leave coming, I just didn't take it. And the pay sucks, I knew that when I signed on! And nobody said I'd survive the job! Now, I give you all that. But where in my contract does it say that I have to eat the same food for breakfast every day for three years?
And they have much to be concerned about. There's always the threat of an attack by, say, a giant space dragon--the kind that eats the sun every 30 days? It's a nuisance, but what can you expect from reptiles? Did I mention that my nose is on fire, and that I have 15 wild badgers living in my trousers?
And to confirm earlier reports, President Clark has signed a decree today declaring martial law throughout Earth Central, citing threats to planetary security. He is expected to provide information to support this action at a closed meeting of the full Earth Senate tomorrow. We repeat, Earth is now under martial law.
