Harper quotes from Andromeda

Interplanetary pitchman, Seamus Harper.

Beka

I'm sorry. Was that Seamus or "Shameless" Harper?

Assassins have been known to be eccentric.

Not Tyr. Err, overbearing, self-righteous, vain, vicious, brutal, way too serious and a little big, yeah, but eccentric? No.

[Regarding a list of much-needed but expensive parts for the Andromeda] OK, I can get most of this stuff, but we'll have to rig for a quick getaway.

Harper –

Dylan

Harper, we're not gonna steal anything.

Thank you.

Tyr

Well, what would you suggest?

Dylan

There's an old Earth custom, Tyr. It's called a garage sale.

Tyr

What's a garage?

I've discovered something disturbing about Lt. Pearce.

What, that she's a psychotic android with a grudge?

I was going to say that she's not on the crew manifest.

You need the one thing that all of your knowledge cannot provide... Wisdom.

Wisdom. Great. Show me the yellow brick road, Mr Wizard. How do I get wisdom?

Let go, Harper. Let go. Give over to The Divine. All that you are. All that you have. Including your pain. Calm your breath. Repeat. My pain belongs to the divine. It is like air. It is like water.

My pain belongs to the divine. It is like the air. It is like the water.

Good. Again.

My pain belongs to the divine. It is like air. It is like water. It's like a freakin' freight train running through my brain. You sure this works?

Harper. Think of hunger. Think what is must be like to go days, even weeks without food. Now, imagine what it would be like to know that in the midst of that starvation, you could eat, feast, satiate your hunger. But only by killing the people that you love. That is my pain. It is with me each day. My pain belongs to the Divine. It is like air. It is like water.

We're facing the second baddest ship in the known universe and our AI is making moonie eyes at Mr. Tall, Spark, and Handsome!

Why shouldn't I? [Corrects Herself]—she?

To quote the ancient masters: “pronoun trouble”! You're distracted—don't deny it!

I am perfectly capable of handling sensor scans and personal relationships simultaneously.

So you admit—you're having a relationship with him!

What's wrong with that? All sentients seek to establish a relationship with their own.

Tyr

Love is merely a trick the DNA plays to replicate itself.

I don't have DNA.

Tyr

My point exactly! Are the two of you planning to procreate? Will there be a nursery full of little grav sleds and data disks?

Did you know that 82% of people on prison planets are Flash addicts?

Beka

Y'know what? They tell you that kind of stuff just to scare you.

Sure, to scare you out of killing your neighbors.

We needed a Plan B. You always have a Plan B.

Dylan

Yes, but my Plan B's work.

This is the engineer. You may have noticed the lack of a sudden drop in environmental pressure. Though this is a good thing, it, err, may not last, so enjoy the oxygen while you can.

Tyr

Harper, what's going on?

I don't know. I mean, umm, my current theory is that... somehow... an older version of Andromeda's personality profile may have been reactivated and is now taking over the ship.

Dylan

How did you figure that out?

I think the key thing right now is to repair the problem. We can worry about minor details like assigning blame later.

Seamus Harper – Grand Theft Spacecraft, and Interstellar Flight to Avoid Prosecution, and Public Lewdness?

Only the one time.

Beka

He's good, quick on the uptake, smart, completely fearless. He reminds me of…

You. He reminds you of you.

Beka

Then I know I can't trust him.

Yeah, sure, that explains everything. No chance that they've been left alone because they're a bunch of cannibals, or killer robots, or…

Trance

Harper!

What? You're gonna say I'm wrong? C'mon, every single High Guard remnant we've encountered has been psychotic, evil, or both… Present company excluded, of course.

Dylan

Of course.

Dylan

Until Rommie and Trance figure out how these bio-weapons spread, I want you out of harm's way.

All right, I know that used to be my favourite place, but…

Dylan

No "buts", go!

Yes, sir. Bravely running away, sir.

In a fair fight with them, we'd be fried.

Dylan

Well, then, we'll have to make sure we don't fight fair.

Nice move, boss, the old slingshot maneuver. Plus a little luck.

Dylan

Well, sometimes I think luck is just another word for "fate."

Yeah, well, I'm feeling particularly fatalistic right now.