Michael Vaughn quotes from Alias

Vaughn

This is where your dad lives, huh.

Sydney

What did you expect?

Vaughn

I don't know, a bunker or something? You've really never been here?

Sydney

No.

Vaughn

That's very strange.

Sydney

As opposed to everything else about my relationship with my father.

Marshall

Hey, man, congratulations, that's fantastic! I'm sure Mr. Bristow's gonna be thrilled.

Vaughn

Really? I'm just hoping he doesn't shoot me on the spot.

Vaughn

How do you want to play this?

Sydney

You mean you want to be rough or you want me to be rough?

Vaughn

Oh, you're always rough.

Sydney

No, I'm not!

Vaughn

Yes, you are.

Sydney

That's not true.

Vaughn

Yes, it is.

Sydney

Are you talking about at home or on ops?

Vaughn

Both... Hey, I'm not complaining.

Sydney

If I'm rough it's because you like it when I... Are we on comms?!

Jack

Yes, you're both on comms. Right now.

Sydney

Vaughn, what are you telling me?

Vaughn

Well, for starters, my name's not Michael Vaughn.

Sydney

I want the truth. Start with your name.

Vaughn

Andre Michaux. I'll tell you the rest on the way.

Sydney

You're waltzing!

Vaughn

Yup. I've been practicing for our wedding.

Sydney

With whom?

Vaughn

Weiss.

Sydney

I always liked the name Owen.

Vaughn

Owen. Sounds like something you name a gerbil.

Sydney

Clementine is cute.

Vaughn

For a fruit.

Sydney

It's also a name.

Vaughn

It's also a campfire song.

Sydney

Okay, you don't like that one. How about Isabelle?

Vaughn

Isabelle Vaughn. Isabelle Bristow Vaughn.

Sydney

That's pretty. I like that.

Vaughn

Me too.

Sydney

Wait a minute; don't tell me you cook.

Vaughn

There are a lot of things about me you don't know.

Sydney

Do you clean, too?

Vaughn

I've been known to. Why? Are you thinking of hiring me?

Sydney

Why would I hire you when I got you for free?

Marshall

You know, I cried at your funeral.

Vaughn

Um, yeah, uh ... sorry about that.

Marshall

No, no. Thank you. I need a good cry every now and again.

Vaughn

[to Isabelle] Gonna be just like your mom, aren't you?

Sydney

Oh, I hope not. I hope she's a ... doctor, or a teacher, or just anything that does not involve wearing a wig.

Vaughn

I don't know... I think she'd look pretty cute in a little pink wig. [Isabelle rolls over] Maybe not.

Vaughn

[Isabelle starts to snore. Vaughn laughs.] Oh my god. All right, the snoring, it kills me.

Sark

Ah! You shot me!

Vaughn

Yeah and I'll keep shooting you until you either give me the codes or bleed to death. Your choice.

Dixon

This job has ... sentimental value.

Vaughn

Sark.

Sydney

Don't look at me; you're the one that let him go.

Dixon

We've already prepared the mission specs. Low-risk insertion. Simple alias. Who knows. Could be fun.

Sydney

That's what you say every time you show up on my doorstep. And the next thing you know, I'm jumping over canals in three-inch heels while Napalm explodes around me.

Dixon

Yes. That's how I define "fun."