Agatha Christie's Poirot · Season 1
Kitty is making such a blessed racket. She blames herself, you see. Well, and me.
But how can she blame herself?
Well, we did say some pretty dreadful things about her.
My dear Mademoiselle Cregan, if everyone on board who had said unpleasant things about Madame Clapperton were to make as much noise as your friend, this vessel would become a danger to shipping.
[after Poirot exposes Colonel Clapperton as the killer] When did you guess it was him?
His self-control was too perfect. No matter how galling was the conduct of his wife, it never seemed to touch him. That either meant that he was so used to it that it no longer stung, or else he knew his bondage would soon be over.
It was a cruel dirty trick you played, Monsieur Poirot.
I do not approve of murder.
How would you work out cubic what-you-call-'ems?
Comment?
Cubic thingummies. How do you work them out? I mean, this ceiling's, what, ten feet up, yes? So, do you multiply ten...
Hastings, I am trying to instruct you in the care of patent leather, something that will be of use to you in later life.
Well, so will cubic whatsits. Suppose I had to survey something or something.
You do not deceive me, Hastings. You are having these eccentric thoughts because of this girl of yours, huh? This student of architecture.
Well, we never seem to have anything to talk about. I tried reading a book about Bernini. She's very keen on Bernini. I couldn't make head or tail of it.
No, no, no, no, no, no, Hastings. Women do not wish to talk about Bernini and cubic thingummies. I don't know that she wants to talk about anything.
She's never in when I call 'round to see her. I end up having tea with her mother every day.
[after interacting with Mrs. Vanderlyn] You see what sort of woman she is.
The sort of woman Mrs. Vanderlyn is does not make a matter of national importance.
Why do politicians treat everyone else like idiots?
Probably because they voted for us in the first place.
No need to go into that, Mister Poirot. Let sleeping dogs lie.
No, no, no, no, Monsieur Mayfield. Between the husband and the wife, there should be not the sleepy dogs.
Must be depressing for you when that sort of things happen, eh, Poirot?
What sort of things?
Everything working out for the best. Some married couple ready for a second honeymoon. Orphan children reunited with their parents.
Yes, it is hard. But we must put on it the brave face, eh? And not allow cheerfulness to keep breaking through.
Films are very boring, Hastings, but the actors who are paid to deceive us? Now they are interesting, eh?
Hastings, to say that Benedict Farley makes pies is like saying that Wagner wrote semiquavers.
They're good pies, are they?
No, horrible. But there are a great many of them.
[seeing Poirot observe her fencing lessons] Hello, Monsieur Poirot. Fancy your chances?
No, no, no, no. Thank you very much, mademoiselle, but essentially Hercule Poirot is a man of peace.
This is not like the grey cells, Hastings! I have given them every chance. They have been cosseted, I have slept to allow them to do their work, I have eaten fish for breakfast. Result: Nothing!
Hastings, there are two reasons why I should never become a millionaire.
What are they, Poirot?
The first: That I should never make the detestable pork pies, eh? And the second: I am too understanding towards my employees.
[Looking out the window during a flight] Looks just like a patchwork quilt, doesn't it?
[Terrified of heights, his eyes closed] No!
Well, it does to me. Does to everybody else.
Not to Poirot!
I suppose you don't think [those clouds] look like a great mass of cotton wool.
No!
I don't think you've got any imagination at all, Poirot.
That is true, mon ami. But fortunately, you have enough for both of us.
Hastings, did you notice the way Mademoiselle Nick [Buckley] flinched as a bee flew past? A bee in the bonnet, a hole in the hat?
A bee couldn't make a hole like this.
But a bullet could, my friend.
It's not exactly courteous, Lazarus, to ignore us like this, what.
Jim is far too good a dancer to be a gentleman, aren't you, darling?
Hope so, Freddie. Awful waste of expensive education otherwise.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Agatha Christie's Poirot pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
