TV show quotes
The thing is: you haven't signed all of them in your own name. A woman came up to me last night. She'd wanted you to sign a copy for her sister, and you'd written: "Yours in sport, the Dalai Lama". And then there was that poor woman in Yeovil, the one whose book you signed: "All the best, Buffy the Vampire Slayer".
He's got his own gym in Number 10. He's always up there.
Except when he's clutching his chest and falling over.
What's this?
Well, there is a term of abuse which is sometimes applied to a person who's overweight.
I'm familiar with the term. I've just never seen one made out of actual lard before.
It is imperative that the President is re-elected. The future of the free world depends upon it.
(scornfully) No, it doesn't!
OK, my job depends upon it.
You know, it's one of the great regrets of my life that I was too young for Watergate.
Watergate was a monumental cock-up, Charles.
Only because I wasn't there.
Lionel Blackmore could start a punch-up in a room full of nuns.
Charles, Helena is costing us precisely ₤535.68 an hour before VAT. I think the least we can do is to pay attention!
Oh, I'm sorry, Helena. I didn't realise QCs needed people to listen in order for them to talk.
[To Alison] Look, if you’re going to speak too, you’re going to make this take a lot longer.
Humour, where would we be without it? In Germany, probably.
At Prentiss-McCabe we care deeply about the little people. Unless they get in our way; then we hurt them.
What sort of character would oppose the introduction of ID cards?
Mustapha Allawallah, suicide bomber.
Fingers Ratner, housebreaker.
Seamus O'Anus, Irish terrorist.
Uncle Fumble, paedophile.
Johnny Junk-Bum, drug smuggler.
Mr Asylum Seeker. The asylum seeker.
Yes, we might want to brainstorm that name a bit.
Television is not for watching; it's for being on.
It'd be so much easier if politics were like software: they could just call it Bollocks 1, Bollocks 1.1, Bollocks XP Home Edition...
I love the smell of a career burning in the morning.
Besides, Priestley’s new office is so far away from the centre of power that if Number Ten got nuked, he’d merely looked tanned.
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