Stephen quotes from A Bit of Fry and Laurie

Stephen

Bitchmother, Come Light My Bottom.

Stephen

Um, language is my mother, my father, my husband, my brother, my sister, my whore, my mistress, my check-out girl. Language is a complimentary moist lemon-scented cleansing square or handy freshen-up wipette. Um, language is the breath of God. Language is the dew on a fresh apple. It's the soft rain of dust that falls into a shaft of morning light as you pluck from an old bookshelf a half-forgotten book of erotic memoirs. Language is the creak on a stair, it's a spluttering match held to a frosted pane, it's a half-remembered childhood birthday party. It's the warm, wet, trusting touch of a leaking nappy. Uh, the hulk of a charred panzer, the underside of a granite boulder, the first downy growth on the upper lip of a Mediterranean girl. Uh, it's cobwebs long since overrun by an old Wellington boot.

Stephen

I can't pretend to be much of a judge of poetry; I'm an English teacher, not a homosexual.

Oh, well, it's because I'm deaf, sir, that my sense of vision is naturally enhanced. Blind people are known to have very keen hearing. So they sort of cancel each other out, sir.

Stephen

You mean you can see and hear perfectly?

Yes, because I'm blind and deaf.

Can I just interrupt you here?

Stephen

Certainly, Peter.

Thanks.

Stephen

Pleasure.