2DTV quotes

Blackpool-0 Silicon-0 Botin-0 Birmingham-1 And that's all the scores we have in football today.

I'm sorry Monkey, it's over. I can't afford to keep you no more.

Please Johnny, don't put me down!

Don't worry, I got you a nice new owner.

Howdy there, Bubbles 2

Please! Put me down! Shoot me now!

Where does my hand go?

Owww!

I was ganna say that.

Michael Jackon's parenting tips #43.

It's important to encourage your children to take their first steps.

Come to Daddy, Prince Michael the Second.

I don't see any moonwalking.

That's my boy, and I've got the receipt to prove it!

It's time to vote off... the Weakest Link.

Peter, Why Anne?

Your air of superiority is totally phony and you always cut people off ----

Sue, why Anne?

Well, you're not scary, and you mis-pronouce everything.

Joremy, why Anne?

You got the IQ of a squirrel.

And the looks.

I am the Weakest Link, goodbye.

*sitting next to the cot of Baby Schumacher* Okay Baby Schumacher, it is time for your 7:30, I'll begin. *opens the book and cleared his throat* Zhe Tortoise and Zhe Hare. Vunce upon a time, there vus za tortoise...errmm...Let's call him Coulthard...and za hare called Schumacher... Hare Schumacher, and zay decided to have a vace...So as the vace begins, zhe Hare vus very confident that he had the upper advantage to the tortoise, and vould surely vin. And he vus vight! He did vin.

But daddy, does the tortoise win next times?

No! Ze tortoise never vins! Ze hare vins over and over and over again, that's vat makes racing more interesting! *sees Baby Schumacher already fast asleep through boredom* Oh.

Jamie, slow down.

You rest up love, super-dad got it all under control.

You're trying to do too much.

All done, I stuffed the chicken with onion and garlic butter and trained the baby's nappy.

Back in a tick.