Penhall quotes from 21 Jump Street

You gotta turbocharge the hair or something, Hanson. You look like Richie Cunningham.

Did I ever tell you about Cindy Miller? [Talking to Hanson in a bar]

Cindy Miller, I took her to the Senior Dance and we had a great time and you know and afterwards, I took her up to Chest View Drive kind of like an inspiration point you know so we could uh... (trying to say the words)

(thinks)... Yeah you know to make out (Little pause) So we're making out and uh I go to grab her (trying to say the word)

(Doug makes a sign with his head to approve the choice of the word) and she says no so, I stopped and you know we're talking for a little while and she leans over me and she says , she starts kissing me and she says "What's the matter? What's the matter? What's wrong? What's wrong?" so ,I figured she changed her mind and you know we start making out again ... and I go to grab her... (trying to say the word)

(Makes a sign with his hand) And she says no again! So this goes on for like an hour, yes, no, yes, no, what am I a light switch? So I figured she didn't know what the hell she want and I took her home (take a shot from his drink)

(looks at Hanson) Well the wind up is, I go to school the next day, and she told everybody I was like this major homo cause I took no for an answer... Do you believe that? ( Hanson shake his head by meaning no)

Did you ever have a Cindy Miller? (Drinks his drink)

Okay, try that now.

(smirking) That's a nice car you got there, Doug.

It's not mine. It's Hoffs'.

[to Hoffs, gobsmacked] Really?

Mmm-hmm.

Really?

Yup. Try it again.

This is your car?

What's left of it, yeah.

Really?

Yeah, really! (in a stereotypical jive accent) See, they were just all out of those purple Caddys - you know, with the mud flaps, and the fur around the mirror, knowwhatimsayin'?

Well, well, well. Farrrrrr out. Looks like we got a Japanese Elvis Presley, a pimp, and the butler.

With the budget we got, you're lucky we could afford to rent the pants.

Maybe you should go without the pants. Tell 'em you're a poor butler. [stands up, shouting] Judith Esther! If you don't get that dress on soon girl, I'm gonna come up there and staple it on! [back to the men] I got the fire department on standby. But the key word here, amigos, is prevention. So if and when you spot Miss Wacko, whoever, just waltz her right out of the place. Dig?

Well, that oughta be easy. I mean, we don't even know who we're looking for.

Well, leave it to your buddy there, Iceberg Slim. I understand he's got great instincts when it comes to the ladies. Right, Mr. Penhall?

Hoffs will be your date, Harry. Lucky Miss Kenny gets the butler, and Casanova, you know who you're with.

The one with the great personality. [to Ioki] Trade you for Hoffs.

Bud, I don't know if I'd trust you fucking my great-grandmother.

WE'RE THE MCQUAID BROTHERS HAH!

Studs and leather, here I come. KKK - awesome band.

Band?

KKK - Klean Kut Kids. It's a band. It's a gang. It's a floor wax. You gotta keep up with the popular culture, Hanson.

Lookit...last night...

Yeah, last night.

I just wanted you to know that I didn't plan for any of that to happen. I just came over to drink those beers.

Come on, Penhall! Mr. White Knight arrives to console me. Next thing you know I'm in his arms, and then I...(long pause) Look, I feel like I've been taken advantage of here, Doug.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute! I'm the one who came over to be consoled. I'm the one whose friend is driving around with a murderer. I'm the one who everybody thinks is crazy. I thought maybe you were a sympathetic ear.

Oh, so you're trying to tell me you didn't plan on getting me in the sack when you came over last night.

No.

Then why did you have those things with you?

"Things" with me?

You had condoms in your wallet, Doug.

I always have condoms in my wallet.

Yeah?

Yeah. Like...when you go for a drive. You bring a spare with you in case you get a flat.

That's just great! Judy Hoffs, road hazard!