How would you describe our apartment? And I've already ruled out "worse than that girl-pit in Silence of the Lambs."
Well, at least she had some silence once in a while. Look, no one's gonna pay money to rent this dump. We haven't in six months.
Everyone else in Williamsburg is making money renting their crappy places on Airbnb. It's all how you describe it. So let's start lying.
[sarcastically] This is a fantastic idea and I really wanna do this!
First question: "Describe your neighborhood."
Uh, run-down with a bunch of rats.
Old-world charm. Pet-friendly. "What type of people live there?"
Junkies, whores, homeless.
Actors. "Do you have a hot tub?" Sometimes. "Gym?"
Two. Gay Jim upstairs, and straight Jim across the hall who's only gay when he's drunk.
"When is your space available? Always, sometimes, one time."
Oh, just like our sex lives. Always for me, sometimes out of boredom, and one time for you.
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