G. Gordon Godfrey quotes from Young Justice

Well, thumbs up to the Reach. Oh, I know what you're thinking: "Old G. Gordon has gotten soft on the spacemen." But don't you see? This is exactly how aliens should come to Earth. Knocking on our front door - not sneaking in the back...like some Leaguers we know.

See? See?! The big alien rips open the phony Secretary Tseng, and pulls out the little alien! Oh, I know what you're saying, folks: "Good old G. Gordon's lost it. What's this, the eight billionth time he's run that clip?" But that's because I'm trying to WAKE YOU UP! Turn and look at the person next to you, my friends. How can you be sure he or she is even human? When is the almighty Justice League going to find a way to scan for these aliens? Who exactly are they trying to protect? Okay, sure, Superman and the Manhunter from Mars seem to be on the side of the angels, but that's two aliens in the "good" column and two in the "bad". Let's see if we can get some answers!

Thanks, Gordon. This is Cat Grant at the Hall of Justice. I'm going to try and get a statement from the two newest members of the League, Zatanna and Rocket--

Zatanna

No comment.

Miss Grant, I've told you, the League will issue a statement soon.

Did you see that, folks?! That was League public liaison officer Catherine Cobert, literally stonewalling GBS' own Cat Grant! What's the League hiding? We know it's providing safe haven for a Kryptonian and a Martian - but what if that's not all? What if the Amazons came from outer space, or the Atlanteans? How do we really know Flash isn't an alien? Or Hawkman? Or Icon? What are they keeping from the real Earthlings, like us?

The Ambassador

Secretary Tseng and I are so glad you accepted the reach's invitation to meet, Captain.

Captain Atom

The Justice League always supports peaceful diplomacy.

The Ambassador

And should diplomacy fail, you have your wanted meta powers to enforce peace.

Captain Atom

Not how we operate, ambassador. But we can discuss that in private.

The Ambassador

If you insist.

"Private meeting"?! Is this an April Fools' Day prank?! Or just another example of the League hiding their true agenda from you, the people?! Don't know why you're surprised, folks. After all, most of your heroes wear MASKS!

The Ambassador

So you see, G. Gordon, the Reach is all about intergalactic brotherhood.

A lovely sentiment. So, please explain to the good folks at home how it squares with the lies you told us, and the fleet of warships you hid beneath our oceans!

The Ambassador

I think you're forgetting that those ships helped Blue Beetle save the Earth from--

The Ambassador

[in clip] Unfortunately, the Reach only has this single ship, designed for peaceful exploration and diplomacy and unequipped with any weapons.

Now, I don't know how you'd call that on your world, Ambassador, but on planet Earth, we call it a bold-faced lie! How many more lies are you hiding beneath our seas? And how much more propaganda will you ask the human race to swallow and wash down with a nice cold Reach?!

(On holographic TV) Sounds like someone's finally listening to old G. Gordon, the lone voice of reason, calling for the ouster of U.N. Secretary-General Tseng after his disastrous alliance with the Reach! Well, guess what, folks? Tseng finally resigned! You're welcome! Now, his replacement has not yet been chosen, but I think we all know only one man qualifies. The man responsible for saving all our lives from the Reach's MFDs, ladies and gentlemen, I give you...Lex Luthor!

Superman

You have got to be kidding me! (Shuts off news coverage)

Captain Atom

And on that note, I officially hand over my chairmanship of the League...to you.

Black Canary

(Sarcastically) Wow, thanks so much.

And there you have it, faithful viewers. The latest explosive exploits of every punk's favourite heroes, the Outrageous Outsiders! We're here with U.N. Secretary General Lex Luthor. Mr. Secretary, thoughts?

Lex Luthor

It's wonderful the girl was rescued, of course. But frankly, the local constabulary could have managed that. Instead, these irresponsible super-children rush in, and the predictable result: an explosion, massive property damage. Sad.

Isolated incident or pattern?

Lex Luthor

The latter, I'm afraid. Take Bwunda, where I personally witnessed the near-death of Kid Flash. He and Wonder Girl and Beast Boy show all the maturity of kids putting on a show in their backyards. It's appalling Flash, Wonder Woman, and the League allow it. I happen to know that the parents and guardians of these teenage Outsiders are not on board with their antics. That's why I call upon the nations of the world to authorize a new hero registry, to catalogue, unmask and regulate all vigilantes, cracking down on them and holding them accountable, even for the actions of their wayward proteges. Something like what we had in the U.S. in the 1950s.

[yawns] You make some interesting points.

Lex Luthor

I'd call "interesting" an understatement, G. Gordon--

Perhaps "inaccurate" would better suit? Based on recent social media, it seems the Outsiders' parents are 100% "on board". The original Flash, Jay Garrick, even started a brand new media account to post this video.

Jay Garrick

[in video] No one could've stopped me from being a hero when I was young! So I say...

We are all Outsiders!

Oh, and look! Mr. Garrick must watch our show! Because he just posted this in response to your comments: "Fascist Hero Registry didn't work in 1950s. Won't work now. #WeAreAllOutsiders." And there's more!

It appears you're on the wrong side of, well, everyone on this, Lex.