Jerry Lawler, Christopher Nowinski and others in “Unfinished Business”

Jerry Lawler

Well ladies and gentlemen, we are ready for the great debate. You've heard of great debates in the past. There was the Lincoln-Douglas debate. There was the Kennedy-Nixon debate, but tonight, we have the Steiner-Nowinski debate. Now let me explain something here. Tonight's topic is Operation Iraqi Freedom. And in this date, in this debate, Scott Steiner will argue in favor of the operation and Chris Nowinski will argue against it. Let me explain, gentlemen, the rules. Each participant will be given their opportunity to make their case and if either one of you interrupts, they will be disqualified. Understand? Christopher Nowinski, you're up first.

Thank you. Well first I'd like to thank my esteemed colleague for being willing to take part in this gentlemanly debate. But I brought my mask just in case. Now I would like to reiterate and expound the statements I made last week, with the contention that America is using its vast military superiority in order to bully smaller nations. [crowd boos] And I ask you, where does it end? Do we invade and overthrow every government that doesn't seem to share the worldview of our country's administration? [crowd cheers] Yeah, do we go invade Syria now? Or North Korea? Or do we only invade countries that have oil? Let's face it. This war is unnecessary and ludicrous! [crowd boos] Hey, while you may not like what I have to say, as an American, not only am I guaranteed that right to speak my mind by the Constitution, but it is my patriotic duty to do so.

Lawler

That's a pretty powerful point of view. Scott Steiner, your rebuttal.

You see, throughout my career, I've wrestled in a lot of countries, but without a shadow of a doubt, the United States of America is the greatest country of them all. [crowd cheers] See, we have fought to make this the land of the free and the home of the brave, and one of those freedoms is freedom of speech. The right to state your opinion, but as the saying goes, opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. [crowd cheers] Even a master debater like yourself. See we as a country, we didn't start this thing. Terrorists started this. Terrorism started this when they hijacked planes, flew them into buildings on 9/11. Terrorism started this, and Iraq has been known to harbor, finance, support, and even train terrorism. They started it. Terrorism started it, not us. Terrorism drew first blood on 9/11, and you can bet your sweet ass, we're gonna get even and we're gonna finish it. [crowd cheers] But the bottom line is, there are thousands of Americans, men and women, who are fighting for our freedom, making the ultimate sacrifice. They're the real heroes, and I support them. So you, the Dixie Chicks, all those Hollywood numbnuts, [crowd cheers] that don't support our troops can go straight to hell! [crowd cheers] Or France, same difference. Just don't let the, the door hit you in the ass on the way out because we ain't gonna miss ya! [crowd cheers]

Well, I've tried to tell ya, give ya a fair warning that your views are wrong. But apparently, the only kind of view that you understand, the only warning you understand is one that takes about...three minutes.