Woman and Exterminator in “Unfinished Business”

I just thought I could smell something, so I thought it was best to just call the council.

Yeah. No, you were right to call.

It's definitely an infestation.

Oh, no. What is it, rats, termites? Worse.

Hipsters. Looks like they've found their way into next door.

Is that what I could smell?

Yeah, beard oil. I'm surprised you didn't hear them sanding the floorboards and discussing Wes Anderson films.

See, I thought I heard something, but I didn't see anything.

No, well, you wouldn't, they're mostly out during the day, hanging around coffee shops that used to be ironmongers or playing ping-pong ironically.

How do they get in?

They just follow the cycle routes until they hit somewhere unfashionable.

Can you get rid of them?

Well, it's tricky, we used to smoke 'em out, but now they think we're vaping and you just attract more of them.

Can't you put some poison down or something?

Not strictly legal. Sadly. What we can do is put a bit of bait down, some old vinyl or an artisan Scotch egg. That draws them out. And then we trap them and release them in Shoreditch or somewhere. Because if you leave them, they'll just start breeding and then house prices are affected.

Will the value go down?

No, up, weirdly. No-one knows why, cos hipsters are bloody awful, but mark my words, left unchecked, they'll price you out of this place in no time.

Oh, they wouldn't be interested in this old house. It's got the original fireplace, all the flock wallpaper, and the bathroom's from the 1930s.

Oh, God, you're going to be overrun.