Jeremy and Rob in “November 9th, 2003”

You have had the most wretched car history of anyone I've ever, ever met. We start off, where were we, radio DJ...

[DJ voice] BBC Radio Wales. Good morning!

You bought yourself a Volkswagen Polo.

Brand new.

Brand new! Things going well. Your next car... is a third-hand Vauxhall Carlton. What in God's name possessed you to do that?

You know, my dad came across it, you know, it was reasonably priced... it was a big, brown Vauxhall Carlton -

Brown!

Wait, let me finish. It was a big brown Vauxhall Carlton, the inside was a kind of creamy sort of biscuit colour, it was velour, the seats. It was a nice car, it got me from A to B, that was not the worst of my cars.

What, you're trying to say the green Sierra you had was -

That was the worst, yes.

What possessed you to do that?

Um, my dad came across it, you know, it was a good price...

Did you branch out on your own for the 1992 Ford Escort?

Now! The 1992 Ford Escort, I thought, and I don't know anything about cars -

That's obvious.

- was quite a sexy little car. I quite liked it, actually.

Have you ever actually watched Top Gear? 'Cause you might...

I've never seen a whole one, no. [Jeremy looks dismayed, audience applauds] It clashes with Heartbeat, OK, which goes against you.

I know! But I do make a special effort to watch Marion and Geoff. You should try to watch one all the way through. Because after the Escort... you're not going to believe this, ladies and gentlemen...

Oh, I know what you're going to say now, yeah. OK.

... a Mitsubishi Carisma. Why on Earth did you buy one of those?

Well, my dad came across it... [audience laughs]