A character in The Wonder Years
Played by Daniel Stern
The Wonder Years · 239 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Wonder Years: in 234 of its 239 quotes
Most scenes with: Kevin (15), Jack Arnold (10), Norma Arnold (6)
NarratorIf there's one way to describe adolescence... It might be this... It's a gamble. An adventure into the unexpected. A step into the unknown. It's a time of life that pits hope against fear. And logic against prayer. A game of luck... and opportunity. Not unlike, say, for instance... Poker.
NarratorThose seventeen years... He knew what I meant. After all... Standing there on the edge of adulthood... we knew that the problems of men were not easily solved. That life was a risk. That growing up... was a gamble. That the time for bluffing, had passed. Still, ya never knew. With a little luck... Things just might turn out OK.
NarratorAll I knew was, standing there, watching Mom spoon with her high school sweetheart, hearing Dad snore in the next room, listening to Wayne count his tax breaks, suddenly one thing was clear... [Kevin goes to get into bed, but the dog is sitting on it, growling and barking] I was going to sleep on the floor.
NarratorLike they say, growing up isn't easy. No matter how old you are. It's all a matter of time and luck. And if you're very lucky, maybe love. All I knew was, that night, in that old house, I felt part of something lasting; family. For better or worse.
NarratorI guess things never turn out exactly the way you planned. I know they didn't with me. Still, like my dad used to say - traffic's traffic. You go where life takes you. I remember a time, a place, a particular 4th of July. The things I saw in that decade of war and change. I remember how it was, growing up. Among people and places I loved. Most of all, I remember how it was... to leave.
NarratorOnce upon a time there was a girl I knew that lived across the street. Brown hair, brown eyes. When she smiled, I smiled. When she cried, I cried. Every single thing that happened to me that mattered, in some way, had to do with her. That day Winnie and I promised each other that no matter what, we'd always be together. It was a promise full of passion and truth and wisdom. It was the kind of promise that could only come from the hearts of the very young.
[Paul is holding Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex]
NarratorI had known Paul since he was 36 hours old, and never before had I seen such fire in his eyes.
[whispering] Buy these books and act casual. [hides the adult book in his jacket]
One of the boys on our block was killed in Vietnam several weeks ago.
Oh, I-I know. I mean, uh, Karen told me. Another meaningless death.
I beg you pardon?
I-I just meant that... it's just a shame, uh... a kid has to die for basically no reason.
More broccoli, anyone?
I don't think it's meaningless... when a young man dies for freedom and for his country.
I just have a little trouble... justifying dying for a government that systematically represses its citizens.
Oh, honey. Try the potatoes - I put grated cheese on them.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
It means the United States government is responsible... for the oppression of blacks, women, free speech...
Well perhaps, little lady, you'd like to go live in Russia for a little while... huh?
Oh, uh... I think what Karen is saying is that...
Look, buster! I happen to believe that freedom and democracy... have certain advantages that Communist dictatorships don't, and that is what Vietnam is all about!
No, man, that's what they brainwash you to believe it's all about. They... [sighs] ...they turn people into brainwashed morons.
NarratorMy hunch was that my father would not let being called a brainwashed moron at his dinner table... go unremarked.
So... you think I've been brainwashed, do you, Louis?
No. No. Look... I think anyone... who supports the American war effort in Vietnam...... is having the wool pulled over his eyes.
I see...
Just like they did with Korea.
What the hell do you know about Korea? I was in Korea. I lost a lot of good friends there.
Daddy, that doesn't have anything to do with what we're saying.
And they weren't brainwashed! They were brave men who weren't afraid to fight for what they believed in. Now if you're afraid to fight - why don't you just say so? Why don't you just admit you're chicken?
You're damned right! I am chicken. I don't want to die like your friends! What do you think that you achieved over there? Hmm? Do you think that those people are free? They're not free, man. Except to buy Coca-Cola, and... uh... [smirks] ...Nestle's Quik... get loans from Chase-Manhattan National Bank...
That's crap!
You were used, man, and your friends were used.
That's crap!
Daddy, you never listen to what we say! Some of what we say is true!
Don't accept all this death and then justify it. It is wrong! Your friends should be alive...they should be enjoying dinner, and arguing with their kids, just like you are.
What do you know about it? Who the hell are you to say that?!
[pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket] You see this, man? This is my draft notice. In two weeks, I can go to jail, I can go to Canada or, I can go get shot, full of holes, like your friend Brian Cooper. You keep thinking the way you do, Mr. Arnold, and these two [points to Kevin and Wayne] will be next. And I just hope that's what they want.
[as Kevin confronts Lisa about her agreeing to go to the dance with Brad, after agreeing to go with him] You're not going to be weird about this or anything, are you? I mean, I really like you Kevin, as a...
NarratorAnd that's when she said it. The word I was to hear from beautiful girls like Lisa Berlini, time and time again. The word that struck a chord so violent in me that I wanted to strangle guys like Brad Gaines with my bare hands.
...friend.
NarratorARRGGHHHHH!
NarratorWhen I look back on it now, I feel sorry for Gary. When all was said and done, he was just a little kid, and I guess he needed friends. But all Paul and I knew that night was - that we wanted to go home.
Kevin! What are you doing here? Did something happen? Are you OK?
Yeah, we're fine. We just felt like coming home.
NarratorIt was the truth. But not the whole truth. And looking at my mom and my dad - standing there in their bathrobes, worried about me - I felt a little sick about that. I don't know why, but that night - for the first time in a long time - I didn't have a single nightmare.
NarratorOnce upon a time... a boy's popularity was based on kickball abilities... pea-shooting range... and how much of the alphabet he could squeeze off with one burp. For the same boy to acquire a comparable level of popularity in junior high school... he's gonna need a girl. The ceremony rarely strays from tradition. Fully unprepared for his certain someone to be surrounded by three giggling friends... boy grows thirsty... and proceeds to drink. He will continue to drink until the gaggle disperses... or his stomach explodes - whichever comes first. Girl... acutely aware of boy's presence... warns her friends that she will, in fact, die... if they abandon her. To no avail. She is forsaken, left to yell a meaningless...
Uh, you guys!
NarratorAfter them... and tend to the business of rearranging her locker. Seeing his opportunity... boy prepares for final approach. He takes one last breath and lunges forward. Girl feigns surprise. And they engage in small talk. Feeling the full weight of the moment... boy realizes that those three gallons of fountain water have just funneled directly to his palms, armpits, and feet. Down to his final wisps of saliva... boy decides that the time has come to quote-unquote... "pop the big one."
You wanna go steady? [Frowns]
Sure! [Smiles]
NarratorAnd just like that, the ceremony is complete... leaving the newly-formed couple with... absolutely nothing left to say to each other.
I just have to know if you like me or not. And don't give any of that... "like me" like me stuff.
NarratorWell, that was it. A straightforward, face-to-face, yes-or-no question. And I was going to stand there until I got my answer.
I don't know.
"I don't know"?! What do you mean you don't know? [Frowns]
I mean I don't know. I really don't know! I wish everyone would just leave me alone! I don't know what I'm doing.
NarratorThis was something new. I mean, I always figured girls knew exactly what they wanted. They knew - they had a plan. Or maybe they didn't. Maybe they were just as confused as we were. Isn't that great? It - it's horrible. They don't know either. That means nobody knows. As I stood there that cold night, I realized for the first time in a long time that Winnie and I were feeling the same thing. We were both completely... miserable.
NarratorIn all the years I spent growing up at my parents' house, I don't think I ever heard them use the word "relationship". Not once. "Indigestion"... "taxes"... "damn" - these were words you heard a lot. I guess my mom just expected my dad to be a good man - honest, loyal, a good provider... hopefully possessed of good table manners. And my dad expected my mom to be a good woman - honest, loyal, a good mother. And hopefully a good cook. And that was about it. But if my parents didn't know much about relationships, they knew a lot about marriage. Like how to make a joint-decision. Mom would choose what she liked... Dad would choose what he liked...then they'd settle on something no one of our species could like. They could completely disagree about something, without directly contradicting each other. One thing my parents would never, ever do... is yell at each other in front of the kids.
Kevin! Wayne! I told you to knock it off!
Boys! That's enough!
NarratorCourse, they had no problem yelling at the kids in front of each other. I guess I never really thought of my parents as being in love. But maybe that's the best thing for a kid - to never have to think about it. It's just always there. Like the ground you walk on.
Don't bother. I'll get it.
No, that's okay, Jack! I'll get it.
I said: "I'll get it".
[she touches her pottery vase] Don't break it!
I'm not gonna break it, Norma!
Well, just because you hate my pottery, there's no reason to smash it into pieces!
I don't hate your pottery!
NarratorNoticed he didn't say "He liked it".
Well, you certainly act like you hate it!
Now, what's that supposed to mean?!
It means that from the moment I started doing this, you haven't had one nice thing to say!
Well, maybe I not big on pottery! So, sue me!
Well, you certainly seem fond of your stupid little fish cup! I've never seen anyone so attached to anything since Kevin had to give up his blankie!
I don't wanna talk about this!
Well, maybe I do, Jack! It's not fair! You're making me feel like I'm doing something wrong!
You're crazy! I'm not making you feel anything!
[sarcastically] Oh, sure! You've been a regular Mr. Sunshine! [Karen, Wayne & Kevin get annoyed by this argument] You know, Jack, the kids all say: "That's nice, mom!", my friends say: "The nice, Norma!", my teacher says "Very good, Mrs. Arnold!", and you say "Where's the Pepsi?!"
I really don't have time for this!
[grabs Jack's arm] I spent my time trying to make something nice for the family! And you don't even have the common courtesy to say you like it!
Don't give me that, Norma! This family doesn't need an ashtray for 200 people! This family needs Pepsi!
That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, Jack! You should listen to yourself! "I want my Pepsi! I want my cup!" You sound like an infant!
Don't you ever, EVER speak to me in that tone of voice!
I'll speak the way I want to.
Fine! Don't expect me to listen to it!
NarratorThe silence that filled our house that night - was like ice. My dad didn't come home till after midnight.
[Next morning, Norma burns her hand on the iron and starts to cry. Jack gently puts his hands on her shoulders. She turns around and they hug]
Did you just burn yourself?
NarratorI know it sounds strange - but that was the first time... I'd ever seen my parents alone together. I guess sometimes the ground can shift beneath your feet. Sometimes your footing slips - you stumble. And sometimes, you grab what's closest to you, and hold on... as tight as you can.
NarratorSometimes... when you're a kid... you lie awake at night and ponder the kinds of questions that grownups have long since stopped asking. Questions like - What did it feel like to be dead? Are time and space really infinite? What was there before the universe began? Why are there people like Wayne?
[Wayne snorts and tosses in his sleep]
Butthead!
NarratorI could never figure it out. Even in his sleep, my brother seemed to hate my guts. I guess he'd just never forgiven me for something I did to him very early in life. I'd been born. Then, to make things worse, I stayed.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Wonder Years pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
