In all the years I spent growing up at my parents' house, I don't think I ever heard them use the word "relationship". Not once. "Indigestion"... "taxes"... "damn" - these were words you heard a lot. I guess my mom just expected my dad to be a good man - honest, loyal, a good provider... hopefully possessed of good table manners. And my dad expected my mom to be a good woman - honest, loyal, a good mother. And hopefully a good cook. And that was about it. But if my parents didn't know much about relationships, they knew a lot about marriage. Like how to make a joint-decision. Mom would choose what she liked... Dad would choose what he liked...then they'd settle on something no one of our species could like. They could completely disagree about something, without directly contradicting each other. One thing my parents would never, ever do... is yell at each other in front of the kids.
Kevin! Wayne! I told you to knock it off!
Course, they had no problem yelling at the kids in front of each other. I guess I never really thought of my parents as being in love. But maybe that's the best thing for a kid - to never have to think about it. It's just always there. Like the ground you walk on.
Don't bother. I'll get it.
No, that's okay, Jack! I'll get it.
[she touches her pottery vase] Don't break it!
I'm not gonna break it, Norma!
Well, just because you hate my pottery, there's no reason to smash it into pieces!
I don't hate your pottery!
Noticed he didn't say "He liked it".
Well, you certainly act like you hate it!
Now, what's that supposed to mean?!
It means that from the moment I started doing this, you haven't had one nice thing to say!
Well, maybe I not big on pottery! So, sue me!
Well, you certainly seem fond of your stupid little fish cup! I've never seen anyone so attached to anything since Kevin had to give up his blankie!
I don't wanna talk about this!
Well, maybe I do, Jack! It's not fair! You're making me feel like I'm doing something wrong!
You're crazy! I'm not making you feel anything!
[sarcastically] Oh, sure! You've been a regular Mr. Sunshine! [Karen, Wayne & Kevin get annoyed by this argument] You know, Jack, the kids all say: "That's nice, mom!", my friends say: "The nice, Norma!", my teacher says "Very good, Mrs. Arnold!", and you say "Where's the Pepsi?!"
I really don't have time for this!
[grabs Jack's arm] I spent my time trying to make something nice for the family! And you don't even have the common courtesy to say you like it!
Don't give me that, Norma! This family doesn't need an ashtray for 200 people! This family needs Pepsi!
That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, Jack! You should listen to yourself! "I want my Pepsi! I want my cup!" You sound like an infant!
Don't you ever, EVER speak to me in that tone of voice!
I'll speak the way I want to.
Fine! Don't expect me to listen to it!
The silence that filled our house that night - was like ice. My dad didn't come home till after midnight.
[Next morning, Norma burns her hand on the iron and starts to cry. Jack gently puts his hands on her shoulders. She turns around and they hug]
Did you just burn yourself?
I know it sounds strange - but that was the first time... I'd ever seen my parents alone together. I guess sometimes the ground can shift beneath your feet. Sometimes your footing slips - you stumble. And sometimes, you grab what's closest to you, and hold on... as tight as you can.
