The Rockford Files Season 1 quotes

You're turning into a big disappointment for me. Don't you ever think about anyone but yourself?

Jim

No. Well, yeah, sometimes at Christmas.

Jim

[after Rocky finds him lying in the floor, unconscious] What are you doing?

Rocky

I'm calling Doc Wheaton.

Jim

I don't want to see Doc Wheaton!

Rocky

Well, that's tough!

Rocky

Look, I'm your father. I got an interest in whether-or-not your head is leaking on the inside. Now you're getting so dumb, I'm gonna have to take you out for walks, and hold your hand in the market!

Jim

You're funny, Rocky. You're funny.

[Jim beat Fielder to the grip on a handshake and is squeezing his hand, just as Fielder had done to hurt Jim's hand shortly before] Would you let go of my hand? This is very childish.

Jim

What? Oh... It is, isn't it.?

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

[beeep] This is Mrs. Bosley at the library. We billed you for your overdue book Karate Made Easy. When we abuse the library, we don't get our cards renewed!

Jim

You better lose that guy or we're gonna have a black and white at every intersection. Drive a race car huh?

Lousy damn suspension...

Rocky

Then why'd you tell me to bring a gun, huh?

Jim

Well, uh...

Rocky

Hehe, can't answer that one, can you?

Jim

Well sure I can! We're taking a gun along because... somebody may try and kill us.

Rocky

That's what I figured.

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

[beeep] Mr. Rockford, you don't know me, but I'd like to hire you. Could you call me at... my name is, ugh... never mind, forget it.

Jim

[after agreeing to buy a really bad abstract painting from a street vendor in exchange for information] Listen, if you ever see him again would you get his license number? I'd appreciate it if you would give me a call.

Yea, okay.

Oh hey, you forgot your painting!

Jim

[Rockford looks at it again] Well not yet. But I'm trying!

Been waiting for you, man. Called you over two hours ago. Don't you ever check your service?

Jim

Oh, now and then.

Jim

Do you need a permit to carry a thing like this?

I told you, I paint what I feel.

Jim

You must not feel well.

Yeah, well, it's yours for fifty bucks.

Jim

Why would I want to buy a piece of junk like this?

Gratitude. See, I got the license number of that dude you're looking for.

Jim

[he turns back and looks at the painting] You know, it does have a certain gross charm!

I thought you'd like it.

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

Rockford, this is Mr. Dow. If you think I'm going to pay to have your car repainted, you're nuts! You can take your expense bill and stuff it!

Rocky

Hey Jim, it ain't your fault Karen's dead.

Jim

I know...

If I told you a woman walked out of her home and left her purse behind, would you believe me?

Jim

I'd wonder why, but I wouldn't call you a liar.

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

[beeep] Jim, it's Jack. I'm at the airport. I'm going to Tokyo and I wanna pay the $500 I owe ya. Catch you next year when I get back.

Consorting with a known felon is, I believe, a parole violation.

Jim

You gonna blow the whistle on me?

I'm sure that won't be necessary. I just mention it to stimulate an atmosphere of cooperation.

Jim

Well, that's not what you stimulated. And I'm not on parole, I got a full pardon, and you've got about ten seconds to make it through that door.

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

[beeep] Mr. Rockford? This is the Thomas Crown School of Dance and Contemporary Etiquette. We aren't going to call again. Now, you want these free lessons or what?