You know you're my hero, right Mom?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
That's it! Go to your room!
[Axl gets up and heads to his room]
Wait, you like your room. Go to Sue's room!
[while reading his mother's romance novel] Mom, which part of me is my hungering manhood?
Mom, can I talk to you?
Yeah, sure.
I saw this boy today at school...
[narration] Now, I know I should have been thrilled by this. My daughter was telling me about her first big crush. But I was so tired, all I could do was pretend to listen. And then I saw something amazing, something I was beginning to think I'd never see in my lifetime. Brick was making a sandwich. Just this morning he was sick, and now, an actual sandwich! It was like that guy who got hit by lightning and suddenly knew how to play the piano.
So, what do you think? Is it a good plan?
Uh, sure, honey. That's a great plan.
Yay! [walks away]
Brick, did you make your own lunch?
Uh-huh! Did it all by myself!
Hey! [narration] And suddenly, everything seemed hopeful. There was one less thing I would have to do tomorrow and the rest of my life. Brick would make sandwiches, Axl would learn to drive, and soon there would be time for trips to the carpet remnant store whenever I wanted...or so I thought.
[taking Brick to work with her when he is sick] Okay, there's ginger ale in the cup holder. If you need anything, honk twice.
I wish I could stay home and watch TV and have you make me soup.
Oh, sorry, honey. Wrong family.
[after trying to get Brick involved on the basketball team] That's it. I'm out.
Whoa, whoa. What do you mean, you're out?
It was a disaster! It's not that he was even bad. He was just...weird.
Damn it. I was hoping it was gonna be like the YouTube video where the odd kid who sat on the bench the whole time makes the basket and saves the game, and everybody loves him.
Yeah. It wasn't like that.
What are we gonna do now?
I told you. I'm out. I'm gonna work on something I can understand: the lawn mower.
So, what are we gonna do?
About which one?
The small one. I don't know. Maybe we didn't do enough for Brick.
He's the third kid. He's lucky we remember to feed him.
[about the huge bandage on Brick's arm] It's tiny. There's not even a scratch. Here, Brick. Unwrap it and show him.
MOfficer McCoy
Sir, we can't allow you to talk directly to your child.
What? Is this for real?
[narration] Oh, it was for real all right. It started with a bandage and just snowballed from there. It didn't help that there was a new hall monitor at school.
HMHall Monitor
[to Brick] Hey, buddy. What happened to your arm?
I'm not supposed to tell.
HMHall Monitor
What do you mean?
My mom says I'm not supposed to tell.
HMHall Monitor
Well, if something happened at home, you have to tell a grown-up.
Okay. My mom hit me with a beer bottle. She was mad, my dad was mad, and I always get in the way.
[narration] You can see how this sounded. Everyone could see how it sounded, except Brick.
[Mike, Brick, Axl and Sue all discuss their plans for Thanksgiving much to Frankie's chagrin]
Do you people realize what I have gone through this week to make Thanksgiving happen? And now you guys don't appreciate... [interrupted by a car honking]
There's my ride. [to Frankie] I figured once my friends came to pick me up for snowmobiling, you'd be too embarrassed to say no.
You figured wrong. [opens door] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [car drives away]
You want a car? You're gonna have to work for it and earn it yourself.
Yeah...uh...I had a job. It sucked, but I still want a car, so you see my dilemma.
Well, you know, I have a job and a car, so you see the connection.
[referring to Sue, who is crying and groaning from her room] If I had a car, I could take her to the insane asylum.
[narrating] The teen years. Clothes may change. The hair may change. What part of the body gets pierced may change. But one thing doesn't change: teenagers suck.
[while en route to Chicago] What snacks did you pack?
I've got pretzels, candy corn, cheese corn, kettle corn, girl scout cookies and frosting for dipping. It's all in the blue bag
[cut to a shot of the blue bag sitting on the kitchen counter]
MAMike, Axl, Sue, Brick
YOU FORGOT THE BLUE BAG!
Sue, no offense, but if I wanted to ride in silence, I'd have brought your Dad. What's going on with you? [notices that Sue is very upset about something] Honey, what's the matter?
Never mind.
Sue, something is obviously wrong. Now tell me.
It'll ruin your Mother's Day.
Nothing you can say would do that.
Frankie [narration]: I already got a foot bath. Ship's pretty much sailed on that one.
I broke a commandment..
Oh...kay. Which one?
I stole something. I stole an inspirational fridge magnet.
Sue [crying]: Oh, my God! I'm a stealer. I stole. [sticks her head out the window to vomit]
Sue! Honey!
Sue [voice breaking]: See? It's got a dolphin, and a kite. [Sue sticks her head out to vomit again; Frankie immediately pulls over]
Frankie [while Sue is still vomiting]: It'll be okay, honey. Clearly, you know what you did was wrong. We'll take it back to the store tomorrow and explain what happened, and you can apologize.
Frankie [narration]: And about this time on Father's Day... [clip of Mike being massaged by Axl and Brick, then back to Frankie trying to calm Sue down] You know what? I'm not even gonna go there. It's just gonna make me mad.
[narrating] The truth is, maybe we are just average. But the way I see it, families where parents get up every morning and go to jobs that are hard so they can get their kids through school and through life and struggle to make it all work and manage to do it with dignity and a little humor, well that's not average, that's extraordinary.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.