Mike quotes from The Middle

Mike

That's it! Go to your room!

Mike

Wait, you like your room. Go to Sue's room!

Mike

There's not much you can't accomplish in this town with a case of beer and a wheel of cheese.

Mike

[after trying to get Brick involved on the basketball team] That's it. I'm out.

Frankie

Whoa, whoa. What do you mean, you're out?

Mike

It was a disaster! It's not that he was even bad. He was just...weird.

Frankie

Damn it. I was hoping it was gonna be like the YouTube video where the odd kid who sat on the bench the whole time makes the basket and saves the game, and everybody loves him.

Mike

Yeah. It wasn't like that.

Frankie

What are we gonna do now?

Mike

I told you. I'm out. I'm gonna work on something I can understand: the lawn mower.

Frankie

So, what are we gonna do?

Mike

About which one?

Frankie

The small one. I don't know. Maybe we didn't do enough for Brick.

Mike

He's the third kid. He's lucky we remember to feed him.

Mike

[about the huge bandage on Brick's arm] It's tiny. There's not even a scratch. Here, Brick. Unwrap it and show him.

Sir, we can't allow you to talk directly to your child.

Mike

What? Is this for real?

Frankie

[narration] Oh, it was for real all right. It started with a bandage and just snowballed from there. It didn't help that there was a new hall monitor at school.

[to Brick] Hey, buddy. What happened to your arm?

Brick

I'm not supposed to tell.

What do you mean?

Brick

My mom says I'm not supposed to tell.

Well, if something happened at home, you have to tell a grown-up.

Brick

Okay. My mom hit me with a beer bottle. She was mad, my dad was mad, and I always get in the way.

Frankie

[narration] You can see how this sounded. Everyone could see how it sounded, except Brick.

Mike

You want a car? You're gonna have to work for it and earn it yourself.

Axl

Yeah...uh...I had a job. It sucked, but I still want a car, so you see my dilemma.

Mike

Well, you know, I have a job and a car, so you see the connection.

Axl

[referring to Sue, who is crying and groaning from her room] If I had a car, I could take her to the insane asylum.

Mike

[while en route to Chicago] What snacks did you pack?

Frankie

I've got pretzels, candy corn, cheese corn, kettle corn, girl scout cookies and frosting for dipping. It's all in the blue bag

YOU FORGOT THE BLUE BAG!

Brick

Not the one with the lion on it.

Mike

Whoa. What's the big deal about this one? 'I like you and I'm not lion!' Someone spent four years in college to come up with that.

Brick

That one's for Autumn Wagner.

Frankie

Oooh, so who's Autumn Wagner?

Brick

She has pink lips and can do three cartwheels … in a row!

Mike

Wow, no wonder she gets the lion Valentine.

Frankie

In some cities, cars are status symbols, but out here in the middle, it's sensible people with sensible cars.

Axl

Ta-da!

Mike

What is this? Your tired of getting eight miles a gallon, you wanted four?

Axl

I'm a bus driver!

Frankie

Wow. So, when did this happen?

Axl

Well, you guys have been pressuring me to get a job, so I got a job

Frankie

What do you mean? We didn't pressure you. We haven't said a word since you've been home from Europe

I know, which is actually more annoying than when you say something. You guys are always sharing looks

Frankie

We don't share looks [scoffs]

Axl

Ok. I get it. I'm not an irresponsible college kid anymore, so now, I am a contributing member of society with a job and a salary, but I don't get paid for two more weeks, so I need you to spot me a $20. Oh, my god! You're doing it again!

Mike

Look, Axl, we're very proud that you got a job and, frankly, more than a little relieved, but you worked hard to get yourself a business degree

Axl

I know! That's the whole point of this sweet gig. I am free to go on interviews in the business world

Mike

You're going on interviews with your little hairdo there?

Axl

Oh, my god. Step into the twenty-teens, grandpa. They're not gonna judge me on my hair, but I wish they would. You know how much disciple it took... to grow this thing out