Ralph Dibny quotes from The Flash

Ralph Dibny

[holding the bottom half of his head] Oooh. Is that my face?

Joe

Four years seeing this stuff, I finally puked.

Barry

[Mayor] Bellows told us everything.

Ralph

Hey. I'm not the one who told him to step out on his wife.

Barry

That's your defense? It's his fault that you're extorting him.

Ralph

Isn't that a little easy for you to say? Your fancy lab, your good job, and your hot girlfriend. People like me are just trying to get from one bill to the next. And I wouldn't have to be living like that if you hadn't cost me my job.

Barry

You got yourself fired! You tampered with evidence! You framed that guy!

Ralph

Because he was guilty! And he was gonna get away with killing his wife, and then you let him go! I was a good cop, I was a good detective! I lost everything. Mayor's got plenty of money, he can afford to spare a little. Consider it the pension you cost me.

Barry

Good people don't destroy lives and call it noble. You were dirty then, you're dirty now. Live with that.

Joe

Why does your female experience include you dancing at The Golden Booty?

Because we live in society that's dictated by the male gaze. I want to control the narrative of feminism, okay? I want to show the world that a powerful, strong woman, she can wear anything! Be it a bikini, or a pantsuit.

Ralph

Or nothing. Feminism.

Cisco

That's not how feminism works.

Cisco

Now, this is just a prototype, but she's got an adaptive nano-weave structure that is - wait for it - malleable. On a sub-molecular level.

Ralph

Don't know what that means, don't care. Just yank the tarp off. I'm ready for my super-suit.

Cisco

Ralph. This tarp... is your super-suit. [whips the 'tarp' off the mannequin and crumples it into a smaller bundle] When you stretch, it stretches. When you squish,... it squishes. [hands small bundle to Ralph]

Ralph

Squishes into something butt-ugly. Where's the style? Flair? Dibny needs to peacock.

Cisco

Dibny needs to wear the prototype Cisco so lovingly made for him. Either that or... you fight crime naked. [walks away as Ralph contemplates the idea] [calling back] No! Don't fight crime naked!

Barry

What's wrong with you?

Ralph

You let her (Mina) get away. We coulda caught her.

Barry

Yeah, I let her go. But I also saved Banks' life. That was the most important thing in that situation.

Ralph

Really, Allen? Because to me, when I was a cop, getting the bad guy, that was the most important thing. You're the Flash. You coulda saved him and caught her.

Barry

All right, look, Ralph, I'm always gonna make the decision to help the person in danger first. That's what we do here.

Ralph

[scoffs] All right, well, we'll file that under "Superhero Lesson of the Day", you know?

Joe

This is the right thing to do, Ralph. Just open the door. I'll do the rest.

Ralph

Okay. It's a solid plan, Joe. It's subtle, but it's crafty with a touch of pathos. After this, you're gonna sit back and kick up your feet and sleep as sound as a millennial after Burning Man, because you did the right thing. You took down a bad, bad chick.

Joe

Ralph, could you hurry up?

Ralph

And you're gonna ride that feeling like it's Space Mountain. And then, when they catch you and they take your badge and your gun, that self-righteous indignation's gonna keep your chest puffed and your chin up, because you did the right thing. Sure, you're gonna be mad for a few years, but that fades... evolves... turns into self-pity. Two more years, and your life is gonna be a shell of its former self. And then, one night, it's gonna dawn on you that... you did the wrong thing. And it'll ruin everything. Your colleagues won't talk to you, your friends have vanished, and your family? It'll be like... like you were never born. Because you turned into the very thing you swore to protect them from. [uses his powers to unlock the door] Any-hoo.... good luck with that. [walks off]

Ralph

Nice suit, Fallout Boy.

[regards Ralph] Yuck. Yours could use some work.

Ralph

Axel created some kind of acid that, we're guessing,... can probably kill me. I'm not ready to die.

Barry

Look, this job has a way of making you feel invincible. But every once in a while, a little mortality check shows up.

Ralph

I've been trying so hard to ignore this feeling, but... I'm not fearless like you are.

Barry

Ralph, I'm not fearless. I wake up every day in this cell and feel like there's nothing I can do to help anyone. I mean, that terrifies me. I used to be somebody who saved, and now I'm just Barry Allen, Inmate #3562.

Ralph

So let me spring you.

Barry

That's not my point. Having the ability to help someone, but do nothing -- that is a far worse death than anything the Trickster has for you. But rising above that fear and saving those lives, that's a greater life. So rise up. I don't think it's a stretch for you.

Ralph

You really believe I can do that?

Barry

Yes. You just need to believe it yourself.

Ralph

"The Elongated Man"? That's just an expression.

Harry

Has a certain...

Cisco

I dunno.

Harry

... je ne sais quoi to it.

Caitlin

I like it, too.

Ralph

Well, I hate it.

Cisco

Eh, maybe you should have let me do the naming.

Harry

Ex-actly.

Ralph

Oh, don't worry. You'll get your chance. There's no way this is gonna stick.

[as Caitlin nods] Probably gonna stick.

Joe

This is...

Harry

... ridiculous.

Caitlin

You okay, guys?

Cisco

[high-pitched voice] "Are we doing okay?" "Are we doing okay?" Does it look like we're doing okay? We're two inches tall, Caitlin!

Ralph

[high-pitched voice] Yeah, I'm, like, Cisco-sized now. Is that how you always see the world?

Cisco

Oh, that's really funny, man. I guess your body's just finally shrunk down to a size that's proportional to your brain!

Ralph

[in Earl's voice] That's me. It's me. Why is that me?

Caitlin

You somehow willed your body to shape-shift into Earl's appearance. Seems like your cells can do a lot more than just elongate.

Ralph

Ach. Brilliant. How do you undo it? [points to his large gut] Undo this. Stat. This.

Cisco

Control-Z?

Ralph

Control-Z. [Ralph calms down, focuses, and then shakes his body back to its normal appearance.]

Cisco

Question for the room: How did I get stuck doing the buddy system thing with Ralph?

Iris

[whispering] It's the best way to keep Ralph safe, Cisco.

Ralph

[low voice] Yeah. It's the best way to keep Ralph safe, Cisco.

Cisco

Well, clearly you've never had to stay over in an apartment that uses neon beer signs for lamps and the kitchen sink for a shower. Ralph, I love you, but you sleep on a futon.

Caitlin

A futon's not that bad.

Cisco

It is when it's damp!!

Iris

Why is it damp?

Ralph

I sweat a lot when I sleep.

Iris

You're nasty

I think I'd remember seeing you on my bus.

Ralph

Actually, I was kind of, big-boned back then. I was on a strict diet of gin, donuts, and regret. But I got another shot at it. And I worked my tight butt off, and now I'm the hottest superhero in town. My life has never been better, kind of like yours.

Yeah, but aren't you afraid of losing it all?

Ralph

Yeah, I am. Which is why I'm a part of this team. You said that your family bailed on you, so I can understand why you wouldn't trust someone to look out for you. But Izzy, I can tell you first-hand that these amazing weirdos, they won't bail. They created a buddy system for me, and if you'll stay, they'll keep you safe. I promise.

So? Who's gonna be my buddy then?

Ralph

I may have to pull some strings, but I will see if I am available.

Barry

DeVoe's still out there. And until that threat's over, we gotta keep this buddy system going.

Ralph

I thought you might say that, Allen. Which is why I got you this. [hands Barry a business card that reads "Barry Allen, Private Investigator".]

Barry

You want me to be your partner?

Ralph

[scoffs] Oh, hey, come on. This, uh... this Turner don't need no Hooch. But... I do know what it's like to get fired from CCPD when you didn't even really break the law.

Barry

You absolutely broke the law.

Ralph

And I remember, after I lost my job... felt like I lost a piece of my identity. And now you won't have to deal with that problem. So the next time we're out in the field and somebody asks you who you work for, you won't have to get all stammery.

Barry

You like me. You really like me.

Ralph

We'd make a fortune. An improv group made up of superheroes. We can take it to Washington. We'd be the "D.C. Comics".

Cisco

No, Ralph.

Ralph

First rule of improv is say "Yes".