Janet Breen and Chris Morris in “Unfinished Business”

To get all the celebrities to contribute their jam has really been quite a... quite an operation.

How much of your time did you put into it?

Oh, I would say at least about six months.

Six months? To raise money for a jam festival? Isn't that rather stupid?

[taken aback] No, I don't think so. I mean, it's all in a good cause.

Good cause, yeah, but how much are you gonna raise?

Well, we hope to raise, um, at least £1500.

£1500?! That's a pathetic amount of money. You could raise more money by auctioning dogs!

Well, I don't think so. I-I-I think it's all in a good cause and very worthwhile...

You persuaded these celebrities to waste their time donating to it?

Yes!

Well, who?

Uh, er, Glenys Kinnock we've got, and Sebastian Coe...

I hate Sebastian Coe!

Well... I feel he's made a very worthwhile contribution!

What, to the paltry sum of £1500?

Yes!

Is that worth six months of your time?

Well, I think it is quite--

I don't think it is at all! I think the only reason you've done it is to make yourself look important! [Janet is appalled] How dare you come on this programme and say, "Hey look at me, I'm raising £1500 for the homeless"? You could raise more money by sitting outside a tube station with your hat on the ground, even if you were twice as ugly as you are, which is very ugly indeed!