The Day Today quotes

When I drive my car, I am not driving. I am participating in a conspiracy called "traffic". I will walk.

[reading off a card] This... this is my complaint, right? TV is the most un-kinking, un-happening, un-sussed piece o' sheet in the hood right now.

Look at the lens, please.

Oh, sorry. You gotta get it. Totally dis-counture. More in the area. See, I'm talking more ragga, more boogle, more death mental...

Death metal.

...death metal and Belgian house. You hear me? Let's get TV banging, mud-far... mud-the-far-cuss.

And look at the camera again and nod your head as you say that.

Mud-the-far-cuss.

And say that last bit again once more into the camera.

Mud-the-far-cuss.

And just time for a quick look at tomorrow's, er... The Independent: "Bank of England Recovers from Swollen Chairman Unusualness." The Telegraph go with "Simon Rattle Lost in Cress." The Daily Mail, pretty keen on "Lassoed Bat Wins Booker," they devote four pages to that. The Mirror rather upset: "Fleetwood Mac Buried in Dog Avalanche." And Today ride with "Old Woman Killed by Little Glass Planet" - that's a story there by Andrew Penman. Due to a printing error, tomorrow's Guardian is full of water.