Lines by Jon Stewart 6
JSJon Stewart
I'm joined now by Senior Comparative Presidential Historian, John Oliver. Uh, Bush and Lincoln? Clearly the pundits are trying to make that comparison. Is this a fair comparison?
John Oliver: It's not a comparison at all, Jon. It's an opening bid. The first salvo by the President in the negotiation over where he'll rank among his predecessors. Obviously, he's starting high. He knows he's not going to GET Lincoln; it's just part of the game. Bush opens with Lincoln; America comes back with "Harding." Bush says, "Harding? You're killing me here! I'm at least Eisenhower!" America says, "I'm sorry, we can't go any higher than Hoover." And so on and so forth, until we all settle on something in the low "Van Buren" range.
Jon Stewart: Are there any similarities, historically, between Bush and Lincoln?
John Oliver: There are some, Jon. Both men presided over civil wars. One ours and historically inevitable; one someone else's and ridiculously evitable. Both men suspended the writ of habeas corpus, although Lincoln did mention it publicly. And, of course, both weren't afraid of the grand gesture: we all remember Lincoln on the deck of the USS Monitor hailing the end of Civil War combat operations three years before the South actually surrendered.
JSJon Stewart
But John, pardon me but that sounds like Bullshit!
John Oliver: Bullshit? Or is it Bull-fact?
JSJon Stewart
It's a new era, Gitmo. We, in America, are done sacrificing civil liberties to fight the War on Terror. President Obama said so.
Gitmo: Yay! Gitmo love President Obama! Gitmo finally see Promise of America! It's a new beginning for all of us! Yay! [...] You know Gitmo and all of Gitmo's friends still want to kill you—you know that, right? We want to destroy your way of life.
Jon Stewart: Yeah, we get it, Gitmo. But with these abuses we're doing that for you.
Gitmo: You're not safe. Don't you want to be safe?
Jon Stewart: Gitmo, there is no safe! No matter what we do, there is no guarantee of our safety. That is the price of a free society. So—finally—we're going to do what's right.
Gitmo: I'm very scary.
Jon Stewart: Gitmo, this has nothing to do with you! You can't define us. It's about not letting fear do that. [...] We can safeguard ourselves well using smart and legal tactics.
SStewart
As is very clear from the tape that you have on the internet, there is the letter of the law and the intent of the law. And I think, clearly, that it would be a great service to the American public if there was an organization out there—not just the SEC, but a news organization that was trying to maintain the intent of this and force companies to still have growth and profit, but not in a way that burns down the entire field. Y'know, my mother is 75. And she bought into the idea that long-term investing was the way to go. And guess what?
Cramer: It didn't work.
Stewart: [nods] So maybe we could remove the "financial expert" and In Cramer We Trust and get back to the fundamentals in reporting, as well, and I can go back to making fart noises and funny faces.
Cramer: I think we make that deal right here. [Stewart and Cramer shake hands.]
JJon
Professor! Tell me, what is step one in delivering world-class fealty to power?
Tucker Carlson: [recording] Here's why we're doing it: First, because it's our job. We're in journalism.
Jon: "Lie about what your job is."
Tucker Carlson: [recording] Our duty is to inform people.
Jon: "Lie about what your duty is."
Tucker Carlson: [recording] Americans have a right to know all they can about a war they're implicated in; freedom of speech is our birthright -- we were born with the right to say what we believe.
Jon: Oh, shit... Kudos, sensei! That was deep -- I have much to learn. "Disguise your deception and capitulation to power as noble and moral and based in freedom." Yes, master...
JJon
Perhaps we need to look back at our founders, and through their infinite wisdom, designed and operated a more mature system, with checks and balances, and a respect for all, that prevented this kind of corrosive infighting and radicalisation.
Scenes with Jon Stewart 1
RReporter
John Quincy Adams took aim at Jackson, asserting that Jackson didn't know how to spell, was too uneducated to become President, while newspapers portrayed his wife Rachel as a short fat dumpling.
[Jon looks sheepish]
JJon
A delicious dumpling indeed.