TV QuotesDatabase
ON AIR

The Colbert Report

Stephen and Jimmy in The Colbert Report

[on his teleprompter being blank, thanks to the WGA strike] Jim, what the hell is going on? Where are my words?

JJimmy

We have no script, Stephen.

Why not?

JJimmy

The writers are on strike.

Yeah, I know that, Jim, I'm not a complete idiot. How does that affect me?

JJimmy

We have nothing to put in the prompter.

That's not my understanding of how this works, Jim. My understanding is that this little, this little, uh, magic box right here, it reads my thoughts and then it lays them up on the screen right there in little words that I read and--that my audience can hear my--it's a labor saving device, Jim, that's--that's how I understand this works.

JJimmy

Well, no, actually it's what the writers put in.

The writers. The guys on the fourth floor with the opium bongs playing Guitar Hero all day. You're telling me that those guys are responsible for what I say? I find that a bit of a stretch, Jim, I'm sorry. Get it fixed, and get it fixed now.

More The Colbert Report quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Colbert Report pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.