Hank Dolworth quotes from Terriers

Hank Dolworth

As a rule I don't like getting my ass kicked for free.

Hank Dolworth

Let me tell you something, man. An hour ago, the world was a bleak and pitiless place. And after a trip to prison... all seems right with the universe.

Hank Dolworth

You know what they say the best thing about prison is: ladies drink free.

Britt Pollack

Holy shit! That’s the sex tape!

Hank Dolworth

Yep, porn on a phone.

Britt Pollack

iPorn!

Hank Dolworth

You what?

You and Mr. Pollack are private detectives?

Hank Dolworth

Well, on our tax returns it says we sell seashells by the seashore, but we moonlight. A bit.

Hank Dolworth

[giving Gretchen an alimony check] I swear it won't bounce.

Your life bounces.

Britt Pollack

Aw, we've been in worse situations. I can't think of any off the top of my head, but they're there.

Hank Dolworth

No, not like this. I say we cut bait. And not like before. I mean we cut bait cut bait. We grab our fishing pole, we head down to San Philippe, and we throw away our fishing pole.

Hank Dolworth

This thing itches.

Britt Pollack

That because it belongs to a rich person.

Britt Pollack

It smells like your bedroom in here.

Hank Dolworth

That was a one-night thing, quit bragging about it."

Makes you long for the days of an actual garage attendant.

Hank Dolworth

Yeah. It's machines taking human jobs. That's what happened with my job.

Yeah? What did you do?

Hank Dolworth

I used to be a microwave oven.

Britt Pollack

Okay, I'm gonna hit resume on the cruise control, pop the brake and then step back. You ready?

Hank Dolworth

Yeah, because I don't have to do anything.

Britt Pollack

...right.

Hank Dolworth

A suspected felon with a kidnapped American in his trunk gets through right [snaps fingers] like that. We gotta wait.

Mark Gustafson

Well, you got 300,000 people that go through every day. Can't search um all.

Hank Dolworth

Usually the Mexicans don't search anyone. I say in this case resort to racial profiling. Let every clean cut Anglo-Saxon American male right through. Except, I'm not really clean cut, am I? And you're... you're Swedish?

Mark Gustafson

You get your sweatshirt?

Hank Dolworth

Yeah. Hey, Britt's in the trunk.

Hank Dolworth

As someone who has been sober for a long time... you have to go get drunk. Get shit-faced.

Britt Pollack

You're the worst sponsor ever.

Britt Pollack

I had a ride, but he bailed on me.

Hank Dolworth

Sounds like you could use a new partner. And a new line of work.