Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip quotes

82 total quotes

All Seasons  
Season 1

Harriet: I don't even know what the sides are in the culture war.
Matt: Well, your side hates my side because you think we think you're stupid, and my side hates your side because we think you're stupid.

Harriet: I got a laugh at the table read when I asked for the butter in the dinner sketch. I didn't get it at the dress. What did I do wrong?
Matt: That's one laugh out of thirty you're going to get tonight.
Harriet: What did I do wrong?
Matt: You asked for the laugh.
Harriet: What did I do at the table read?
Matt: You asked for the butter.

Harriet: It's a beautiful instrument.
Martha: Sting? Or the lute?

Harriet: Look skipper, if I wanted to make you jealous trust me you'd be jealous.
Matt: I am jealous!
Harriet: Well then, bonus for me.

Harriet: People knock on closed doors in America! Were the two of you raised on a farm?!
Tom: I was.
Simon: I was raised over a heroin dealership.
Harriet: That's no excuse for bad manners.

Harriet: Shut up, you live off Mulholland, there are other streets in the country where marriage is still important.
Matt: It's important off of Mulholland too, but let me ask you something how is my marriage, your marriage, or anyone else's marriage even marginally affected by the gay couple two doors down from them also getting married, and if it does, how is that their problem?

Harriet: Well, everyone here's a big fan of yours, Martha.
Martha: Really? How would I be referred to in your parents' house?
Harriet: The Devil's whore from Washington.
Martha: Yeah... I'm really the Devil's whore from Bethesda.

Harriet: You kept that from me?
Matt: When you're high, you keep it from everyone. (Harry hits him) Ow.
Harriet: Not me. Never me. I'm the one person.
Matt: Ok.
Harriet: I'm the one person, always.

Harriet: You know what, rook? When you start making a contribution to this show, you can talk to me any way you want. But you had two lines tonight and you stepped on one of them. So until you either accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior or make somebody laugh, why don't you talk to somebody else?

Harriet: You know, where I grew up, if this had happened, there'd be a town meeting, and everybody'd be there. And the guy would have to sit and listen while Reverend Tillinghouse gave a sermon on honesty and character.
Simon: That's exactly what would happen where I grew up, except we'd've driven by the guy's house and shot him with a GAT-9.
Harriet: See, there's more that unites us than divides us.

Harriet: You're engaged?
Danny: Yeah
Harriet: And there's a baby?
Danny: Yeah
Harriet: Because like an hour ago none of this was true.
Danny: Yeah, things are moving fast tonight.

Jack: [about Jordan] She delights in tweaking the religious community every bit as much as Matt does...
Danny: That is not true. No one delights in tweaking the religious community nearly as much as Matt does.

Jack: [to Jordan] You saw how fast I fired Wes Mendell? Screw this up and I'll fire you faster. I'm not like every other heterosexual man in show business, Jordan. I don't find you charming. And you've earned the loyalty of absolutely no one. So you go ahead and take your first steps towards making us classy again. We've been waiting for you.

Jack: Ted, believe me, I wish this was a fight for ethics. I wish this was a conversation about the integrity of the news. But it's not. It's about preventing ourselves from being a laughingstock.
Atkins: Well, I don't feel like a laughingstock.
Jack: That's only because you're a moron.
Atkins: Wilson, you're backing up what he said?
Wilson: Yes - including and especially you being a moron.

Jack: You see it as part of your job to screw with my company, don't you?
Danny: No! I do not. That's just one of the perks.