Q quotes from Star Trek: The Next Generation

Q

I have no powers! Q the ordinary!

Picard

Q the liar! Q the misanthrope!

Q

Q the miserable, Q the desperate! What must I do to convince you people?

Worf

Die!

Q

Oh, very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?

Q

If I ask a very simple question, do you think you might be able to answer it without it troubling your intellect too much? (He enters the cell) Ready? Here goes. Would I permit you to lock me away if I still had all my powers?

Worf

You have fooled us too often, Q.

Q

Perspicacity incarnate! Please don't feel compelled now to tell me the story of the boy who cried Worf.

Q

Can I have a Starfleet uniform? What are you looking at?

Data

I was considering the possibility that you are telling the truth, that you really are human.

Q

It's the ghastly truth, Mr. Data. I can now stub my toe with the best of them.

Data

An irony. It means that you have achieved in disgrace what I have always aspired to be.

Q

This is incredible!

Geordi

You see something, Q?

Q

I think I just hurt my back. I'm feeling pain. I don't like it. What's the right thing to say?

"Ow."

Q

Ow!

Data

Can you recommend a way to counter the effect?

Q

Simple. Change the gravitational constant of the universe.

Geordi La Forge

What?

Q

Change the gravitational constant of the universe, thereby altering the mass of the asteroid!

Geordi

Redefine gravity. And how am I supposed to do that?!

Q

You just do it!

Q

I'll have 10 chocolate sundaes.

Data

I have never seen anyone eat 10 chocolate sundaes.

Q

I'm in a really bad mood. And since I've never eaten before, I should be very hungry.

Guinan

I hear they drummed you out of the Continuum.

Q

I like to think of it as a significant career change.

Q

One of the boys with an IQ of 2005.

Data

The Captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human.

Guinan

Really?

Q

AAAAAHHHH!!!

Q

The Calamarain are not very hospitable creatures. They exist as swirls of ionised gas.

Picard

What did you do to them, Q?

Q

Nothing bizarre, nothing grotesque.

Riker

You tormented them.

Q

A subjective term, Riker. One creature's torment, is another creature's delight. They simply have no sense of humour, a character flaw with which you can personally identify.

Riker

I say we turn him over to them.

Q

Oh, I take it back. You do have a sense of humour. A dreadful one at that.

Riker

I'm serious.

Q

All right, everyone, this is what we're going to be doing.

Q, everybody already knows what they're going to do, except for you, Now here's what I need.

Q

La Forge, obviously my knowledge and experience far exceed yours by about a billion times. So, if you'll just step aside gracefully.

Q, your experience will be most valuable to me if you can manually control the field integrity.

Q

Don't be foolish. That would be a waste of my talents.

Q, get to the controls or get the hell out of here! Data, you're my liaison to the Bridge. I'll need you with me.

Q

Who does he think he is, giving me orders?

Data

Geordi thinks he is in command here...and he is correct.

Q

What are you doing here?

Oh, I've been keeping track of you.

Q

I always thought you were in my corner.

Ah, no. See, actually, I was the one who got you kicked out. You know, you're incorrigible Q? You're a lost cause. I can't go to a single solar system without having to apologize for ya, and I'm tired of it!

Q

I wasn't the one who misplaced the entire Deltivid Asteroid Belt!

Riker

[After Q gives him two attractive women] I don't need your fantasy women!

Q

Oh, you're so stolid! You weren't like that before the beard.

Meet my new partner.

Jean-Luc Picard

Him?!

Why not?

Jean-Luc Picard

I'll tell you why not...!

Q

Now, Jean-Luc, let's not be unkind...

Jean-Luc Picard

He's devious, and amoral, and unreliable, and irresponsible, and... and definitely not to be trusted.

Remind you of someone you know?

Jean-Luc Picard

(forced to smile) As a matter of fact, it does.

Geordi La Forge

Everything was normal and then, suddenly it's like the laws of physics went right out the window.

Q

And why shouldn't they? They're so inconvenient.

Picard

Are you responsible for this incident in engineering?

Q

Of course! I needed to find out if what I suspected about the girl were true.

Picard

That being...

Q

That she's Q.

Q

What is it about these squirming little infants that you find so appealing?

Beverly Crusher

I'm sure that's beyond your comprehension, Q.

Q

I desperately hope so.