Announcer and Kurt Loder in “Timmy 2000”

You're watching MTV, the cool, brainwashing, twelve-year-old-and-younger station that hides behind a slick image. We're so cool that we decide what's cool. And now, MTV News, the news that is highhandedly dumbing down our country. Which is cool. Here's your host, Kurt Loder.

Why am I still doing this? I've got to be the oldest person in this network by at least 40 years.

Kurt Loder didn't just say that. No, wait, he did just say it, but just to be cool. That's what makes him cool. You think Kurt Loder is cool. And now, the news that's cool.