Ichabod Crane quotes from Sleepy Hollow

Ichabod Crane

You shotten herring! You are a scurvy louse. You are a slop bucket. You are a puss sludge, no good, by-blow pair of buns!

Abbie Mills

Are you gaming online?

Ichabod Crane

I'm not entirely sure. One thing I know is that my allies and I had just obliterated the largest horde of rabid zombies I'd ever encountered, and then, suddenly, out of nowhere "ChiefWiggum49" and "Haloismybitch12" decided to frag me.

Henry Parish

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child." King Lear.

Ichabod Crane

Act one, scene four. Our mutual love of words is no coincidence.

Henry Parish

Perhaps I should thank you for the twinkle in my eye.

Ichabod Crane

You will not touch me. Because you fear you will witness the depth of my suffering. You are sick with Moloch's evil, but you can fight it. You can spare her, Jeremy. You have a choice.

Henry Parish

Yes, I do. And I choose Moloch. I choose his leadership, and I choose his might. I choose his fire that will burn the world. No matter what you do, no matter where you hide her, your wife will die, and Moloch will be born!

Katrina Crane

Marco has clearly chosen Courtney as his favorite. Their romance was meant to be.

Ichabod Crane

Romance? This is not romance. This is shameless groundling kabuki. These people wouldn't know true love if the Bard himself wrote them a sonnet. And clearly Amber's his favorite.

Abraham Van Brunt

I am what you made me! I am the one who traveled to the New World to forge a new path. You forced your way onto it. I found a wife. You stole her from me! As if it were your destiny and not something you wrested from a man you dared to call friend!

Ichabod Crane

Abraham, that is not what—

Abraham Van Brunt

No! I was supposed to be the hero of this story! Not the villain!

Ichabod Crane

Do not dare put this on me. You chose the mantle of Death! You chose Moloch! Two choices made in an instant that ensured Katrina would never love you.

Abraham Van Brunt

Have you ever noticed that through it all, she always returns to me? You have. I can see it. Well, now she will be my bride. And you will have nothing!

Abbie Mills

Life is but a series of choices. You chose to be a patriot and a hero. Someone who does not give up, or the world around him ends.

Ichabod Crane

Thank you, Lieutenant. It is through your eyes that I see myself most clearly.

Ichabod Crane

My son, let me pass and I will dispatch Moloch to hell and you will be free to live a life of your making, not a pawn in his game, but as a loved one in a world of free will.

You you would let me live while you go face Moloch and die?

Ichabod Crane

That is what sacrifice is. Allow me to fulfill my duty as a Witness and end this madness. Henry, let us pass!

[holding back tears] You never gave up on me. You never will.

Ichabod Crane

I'm 250 years removed from everything I ever knew. I shall need a job. A permanent abode.

Abbie Mills

Mm, 401(k), a mortgage, health insurance, credit cards, Social Security, an accountant, a dentist, your own set of wheels.

Ichabod Crane

Point made, Lieutenant.Point made. I may indeed have spent the past six weeks traipsing the woods with a loaded weapon because it is the only purpose I know. Without the threat of apocalypse, what is my place in the world?

Ichabod Crane

  Where's my package?

  You can file a claim for seized items online.

Ichabod Crane

  Now look here:  The right to personal property is a fundamental—

Abbie Mills

  Crane, I'll make sure you get your stuff back later.

Ichabod Crane

The American Dream is dead! What else are we to conclude when the door to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is so cruelly slammed in our faces?! This nation was forged so that anyone who came to her shores may have the opportunity to place yet another brick on her imperfect masonry.

Abbie Mills

[to herself] Here comes Jefferson.

Ichabod Crane

Quoth Jefferson, "We have more machinery of government than is necessary".

Ichabod Crane

Lieutenant, I'm going to do it.

Abbie Mills

Do what?

Ichabod Crane

Become a full citizen of this country.  Yes, I have rejected my fealty to England, but I am yet to consummate my allegiance to this nation.

Abbie Mills

  Benjamin Franklin invented Sex on the Beach?

Ichabod Crane

  He called it Fondle in the Forest, but…

Abbie Mills

  [laughing]  Now you're just making things up.

Ichabod Crane

  You'll never know.

Ichabod Crane

  Witches, with a taste for lies and a need to uncover betrayal, are loose in our capital city.

  A hotbed of dishonesty and backstabbing.

Ichabod Crane

  As they say, turnabout is—

Jake Wells

  Is freakin' awesome!

Ichabod Crane

  Close enough.

  There's a door.  Words in Latin.

Ichabod Crane

  Yes, I see it, too.  "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

  We're in the right place.